So Utterly Confused
by Massao-na-Mizu
Summary: [AU] Best friends since childhood, Kagome knew almost every thing about her best friend, Inu Yasha. ALMOST. So imagine her surprise when she finds out he has a drop-dead gorgeous elder half-brother and he's the substitute teacher.
1. Prologue

**SO UTTERLY CONFUSED**

**Author:** Massao-na-Mizu

**Pairings:** Sesshoumaru/Kagome, Inu Yasha/Kikyou, Miroku/Sango

**Spoilers:** What are spoilers!

**Author's Notes:** Okay, this is an AU. The first fic of mine I'm really into so please take time to read it and please review. The characters maybe OOC at first, but as the story lengthens and the plot thickens, I hope my writing would progress too and so will the characters.

**Summary:** Best friends since childhood, Kagome knew almost every thing about her absolutely best friend, Inu Yasha. ALMOST. But she didn't know that he had an older half-brother that was drop-dead gorgeous that has an attitude problem (not that she's complaining a lotokay, she was.). So imagine if he becomes their substitute teacher in Senior High School for he was the favorite student of their sick teacher. How will Kagome react?

**OxOxOxOxO**

**PROLOGUE:** **BEING FRIENDS WITH INU YASHA.**

"Come on, Kagome. Come with mama and let us welcome our new neighbors." I remember my mama said to me when I was five years old. Back then, I was little miss perky. Just like my little cousin, Rin. You'll know her later on. But I'm not promising anything great, mind you.

I nodded my head like the good daughter I am, smiling broadly as we made our way to the big house belonging to the Chimiesno Family. My blue eyes went wide as I saw the big house. Well, I'm just an ordinary kid. Sue me for being what I am and for sure I'll win the case.

I don't even know why my mom always insists that they're our neighbors. Their house is a block away from us-an entire block. But anyways, I smiled and held my mama's hand with my two little ones.

Mama pressed the door bell and waited patiently for someone to open the door. Immediately, a beautiful woman appeared on the door. She had violet-blue eyes and long black hair. In short, she was very, very beautiful. I thought she was an angel back then! I smiled at her brightly and she smiled back at me.

"Good morning Mrs. Chimiesno. Welcome to our village. I'm Cha Higurashi." My mother said politely. It was a nice cue to intercept.

"My name's Kagome!" I chirped out. The beautiful woman smiled at me again.

"What a wonderful name! Would you like to meet my son?" She asked me in that pretty voice I had absolutely thought only an angel could have. I bopped my head vigorously as a nod. She chuckled and we entered their big house.

"Mommy! Where are my under wears? Where did you put them! Don't tell me you forgot them in our old house!" Whined a young boy around my age, looking very worried indeed that he didn't have any underwear. I giggled at his funny sentence. He approached us and blushed, hiding at the back of his mom. I'd be shy too if I was heard by a boy asking my mom about my underwear.

"It's okay sweetie. This is Kagome" She pointed at me with her whole hand and I waved to ... Um... What ever his name is. "And this is her mommy." She said, smiling at my mother. He hid behind his mom even more. I had the urge to giggle but clamped my mouth shut.

"Oh, and your undies are in your bag. Go get them honey." She urged her little toddler, and he happily obeyed her, relieved that he _had_ underwear after all. Her mother chuckled. "Silly Inu Yasha! That's my son by the way. Unfortunately, his father is still away and won't be available until next week. So won't you Kagome help my little baby and show him around?" She asked me. I nodded my head vigorously.

And that was our first meeting. It became more frequent after that. I would stay in their house everyday and sometimes, Inu Yasha would go to my house. We had our first parties' together and made friends together. Like Miroku and Sango when we were twelve. But we were closer to each other and so were they.

Unfortunately, Miroku turned out to be a sukebe and Sango had to keep him under control. Well, not that Miroku didn't show any sign of being one, though. In fact, he asked Sango to bear his child when we were thirteen. Sweat drop.

**OxOxOxOxO**

When we were 14, Inu Yasha's mother died of cancer. No one had seen it coming until it was too late to save her. I was the only one that Inu Yasha talked to for a whole year; the only person he trusted to see his weaknesses and the only one that comforted him when he was down or depressed.

And so, we come here. 3 years older than fourteen. Twelve long years of inseparable friendship dampened slightly only by Inu Yasha's girl friend that resembles me very slightly. You want a sample, here's one conversation.

"Hey, Kagome!" Kikyou shouted over to me. I turned to here, glaring.

"What. DO. YOU want you little slut?" I snapped at her, my hands flying to my hips. My glare was unwavering on her little face. Feeling perfect, but that pimple won't go unnoticed especially by Inu Yasha's great eyesight.

"I don't want anything, just going to ask you a question." She said innocently. Tsk, so she DOES want something. Idiot. Inu Yasha had thought it was time to make an entrance but he was behind Kikyou and I didn't even care.

"Make it quick." I hissed at her dangerously, crossing my arms below my breasts. I didn't want to waste my precious time on someone as insufferable as her. I don't even know why people think we look alike!

"Are your boobs fake or what?" She said, laughing with her little crowd. My jaw drop momentarily as a blush crept its way on my face. I easily recovered, crossing my arms and smirking.

"I'll take that as a compliment that my breasts are big naturally. Unlike yours, totally fake. Oh look, toilet paper is showing off," I said mockingly, pointing my finger for emphasis. She looked at her breasts and her face burned. She looked at me angrily. Now why would she look down at her breasts if she didn't really stuff it with toilet paper? I let out a chuckle.

"Why you little-" She was going to make another retort when Inu Yasha came to my defense.

"Stop it Kikyou. I think it's time you leave Kagome alone." He said to her, scowling. Kikyou pouted thinking she looked cute, but it made her pimple look even bigger. Inu Yasha cringed. He took my arm with his hand and dragged me to class, Kikyou calling out to him.

**OxOxOxOxO**

Well, so much for a little conversation. Unfortunately, Kikyou could never make an intellectual conversation without looking like a pompous idiot.

And now we come to a conclusion: Being Best Friends with Inu Yasha Chimiesno is bad for your health. Stick to drugs than that. 'Cause even though I make him sound like a terrific person, you're only hearing like 8/50 of him. You haven't heard him curse me. But, it ended we were in junior year, namely, last year. There was an incident I'd rather not detail. Clue: There were lips, dark room where we were accidentally locked in and a full moon to be seen at the window. Get the clue? .But I'm not saying I enjoyed it. It felt like kissing my big brother that acts like he's my little brother. Oops. 0.0 Slipped on that one didn't I? Oh well, that's life.

So imagine my shock when I see an unknown guy inside his room...

No! He is not gay! I repeat, NOT GAY! But it would be fun having to ask fashion advices from a feminine guy or a woman inside a man's body, ne? Believe me; it's real funny for I had a gay friend back when I was only nine, his name was Jakotsu. I never really knew what happened to him... Well, I'm getting lost again.

RRRRRING!

Went my stupid alarm clock. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand and yawned, stretching and then getting up. I turned off my alarm clock and got a quick bath and putting on a bit of cologne and lip balm, I brushed my hair and put on my uniform. It was time to pick up lazy Inu. As I may have neglected to tell you, I am the only one allowed to call him that. That was what his mom called him when well... Change of subject!

I walked down the stairs, grabbing and eating breakfast, kissing my family goodbye and walking casually towards Inu Yasha's house. I didn't have to knock for Inu was the only one living in his house. Mr. Chimiesno was always abroad so, he doesn't stay here. With a large house like that, you'd have to be brave to sleep in there alone. I opened my bag to retrieve a copy of the main door's key. Inu Yasha had given it to me, a sign of his trust. Well, what he said was I should keep it for him since he always forgot where he put his key. But I knew it was because he trusted me enough to give me a key to his home.

I inserted the key in the lock. Same old routine. I opened the door, bounced to the stairs and presented myself at the front of Inu's room. I knocked three times quickly and waited for his grumbled words, while opening the door. So as you can read (you can't see it, because this is written), I was his alarm clock. Ain't I a good one in it too? Smile, smile.

It didn't come. I frowned. I knocked again and I heard footsteps and the opening of the door, revealing a man...

I remembered knocking at the door, expecting Inu, saying, 'hello to you too' sarcastically like I always did as he says some incoherent words to me loudly. But no. This day is soooo far from that. Firstly, I am used to seeing Inu in a shirt and pajamas. Not a tall handsome HUNK of a guy without a t-shirt, showcasing his perfect abs and muscular chest! Okay, I am not gonna reveal that if I had opened my mouth wider in shock, I would have drooled at his masculine perfection.

Secondly, I am used to Inu's silver locks totally all over his face very unruly indeed—of course, this is perfectly understandable since he just woke up, but then Inu Yasha's hair is always unkempt which is a shame, though. But what I saw was silver hair flowing to his waist straightly and very, very well-kept. I missed to tell you. His locks were FINE. F-I-N-E. In case you don't know how to spell it. So, I'm getting freaked out; out of proportion, really.

Thirdly, I do not remember him so tall. I've heard of growing a centimeter tall over a night. What do you call that? Oh, growths spurt. But 2 entire feet is ridiculous! So out of the question! Inu Yasha was tall as it is anyway! Okay, Kagome. You can breathe now. I sucked in my breathe, covered my mouth as I gasped.

I pointed a shaking finger at him, but his eyes were trained on my face, looking at me, openly showing his irritation.

"D-don't tell m-me you're..." I trailed off my stuttering, unable to say the words that were forming in my head.

The guy, maybe thinking of something else I meant, arched his brow (I forgot to indicate it was A PERFECT brow) and nodded his head. I gasped again.

"Yes I am. And you are?" He asked me, his voice betraying no emotion whatsoever, but his eyes seemed to look at me with irritation and boredom, as if this always happens to him. I briefly wondered if this often DOES happen to him—being seen inside another guy's room.

In my shock, I didn't even process his question. "You're Inu's boyfriend!" I said loudly in a shocked voice that you could have heard all over the house. The guy's jaw dropped to the ground in shock. No, not literally. (Let me tell you as a reminder that this did not yet come as a shock because I barely knew this guy then.)

Inu was luckily situated in the room beside his own. He opened and shouted, "What the hell did you say?" at me. I blushed and then let out peals of laughter (no, it was not un-lady like nor was it very loud.). I couldn't contain myself.

"I thought. I thought." I tried to explain unsuccessfully. I desperately tried to stop myself form laughing, my hands holding onto my stomach. Inu Yasha glared at the guy.

"What the hell did you do to Kagome, Sesshoumaru?" He demanded from the guy that was Sesshoumaru. I had finally stopped laughing but there was this goofy grin of my face that couldn't be swept.

"I did nothing to make her laugh. She just accused me of being..." He glared at me disgustedly, turning his head away from us. He couldn't stomach it. I couldn't either. I bit back a laugh.

"Actually, Inu. I thought he was your boyfriend." I said, finishing it off. Inu Yasha was shocked beyond life itself. Heck, I couldn't even try to explain it.

_Translations:_

_Sukebe: Pervert. I wanna use this word coz I'm so tired of hearing Hentai when it means porn anime doujinshi and manga or whatever_


	2. Chapter 1

**SO UTTERLY CONFUSED**

_Massao-na-Mizu_

**MN: (Massao's Notes)** Ahh…. Can I drool even more! When I get better in my drawing, I'll draw a Sesshoumaru with that entire biceps! Well, updates! Updates! Updates! Ehehehe! Read and review! Don't forget to review! Oh, and one little advice for those out there whom doesn't have anything to do with their extensively long time; reading with Swiss Miss with mallows just add hot water which means, it has no sugar put a lot on it before putting water is very, very relaxing when reading or writing fics. Also, reviewing so that you won't flame me! No flames Okie dokie? I take constructive criticism with appreciation!

**Reviews Corner at the Bottom**

**OxOxOxOxO**

**Chapter 1-****Wide Eyes, Dropped Jaws**

Okay, I was going to tell you about our introduction, but that is later. Very later. So let's start to where we left off. You don't want to? You don't have a choice now, don't you?

"Y-you thought that he was my boy friend!" Inu Yasha yelled at me. I had my hands in a prayer position, bowing my head and muttering apologetic 'gomens' (goodbyes).

"Do I look gay?" He hissed at me. I looked him in the eyes and giggled, putting my arms on his shoulders for support. He blushed immediately but I didn't notice it. I shook my head. He looked so cute when his eyes were narrowed like that!

"No, you don't. I'm sorry. I really am. I was in this goofy state when I arrived at your house! And what would you think if a guy you don't know opens the door you regularly see your best friend keeping his stuff in, and had painted his door with marks that said: Inu Yasha's room?" Well, at least I didn't put in the part my first reaction was that he was a girl. Good thing for no t-shirts. I might have done what Miaka did in Fushigi Yuugi. You know, feeling Hotohori's chest. Although I would not surpass that opportunity, mind you.

"Then I suppose you are implying that I'm the gay one." Sesshoumaru said coldly, glaring at me intensely. I looked at him and giggled, shaking my head. Mind you, his glare was very intense that in different circumstances, it would've made me uneasy.

"No never. That'll be like a mortal sin. You don't look like you're gay." I told him, clearing the matter. He was still glaring at me. I shook it off. Oh, well.

I looked at Inu and said, "We're behind schedule and now that you're fully awake, I guess you just have to take a bath. Now." I told him in a calm voice, the glee gone from my tone but I was still grinning. He grumbled, but did as he was told, but not without glaring at his brother.

"You keep away from Kagome." He barked at him. My eyes went wide and then I snorted, rolling my eyes.

"Geez Inu. As if he'll do anything bad to me." I said, crossing my arms and giving him a bored look. After all, _I'm_ the _one_ who accused his poor (handsome) brother for being gay.

Inu look at me, flashing me a glare in which he hid his concern; I know him too much. "You don't know that man." He said, flashing Sesshoumaru a dirty look. Oops. I forgot, he was still standing there. I shrugged.

"Well, if you are related or anything, then I guess I'll take the chance." I said nonchalantly. He sighed, shaking his head in defeat and entering his room again.

I looked at his brother and then bowed my head. "I'm sorry." I said to him in a solid voice. He nodded and re-entered Inu's room, probably to sleep. He looked like he was a college student, thus in vacation. Which reminded me; Inu didn't even introduce us to each other. Oh well. There are more days of senior year to come.

**OxOxOxOxO**

At last, after a long await, we have come here, outside Inu Yasha's door and I was ready to squeeze him out for answers. We walked casually side by side.

"Who was that walking refrigerator?' I asked him curiously. He almost choked on a laugh in my description of the guy.

"Sesshoumaru. My half-brother. Older sibling, son of my father from his first wife." I nodded, letting it sink into my mind before asking another question.

"So he's in College." I said as a statement. He nodded his head, not bothering to look at me.

"First year, I guess." He smirked, snorting at his next comment. "Bet he's never dated anybody before. A statue is better company than that baka (idiot)." Boy was squeezing Inu for answers easy. Hence, I wouldn't even call it squeezing. It's like pouring milk in a glass. I grinned, trying to look as if I shared in his amusement.

"Where does he study in?" I asked him curiously. I looked at him, turning my head to my right to face him. He rolled his eyes.

"Tokyo University." He replied curtly. So, he was pissed off. My eyes widened.

"Tokyo University? Wow! He must be really smart to get in! I'm taking an entrance exam there!" I said perkily. He growled. I was tempted to calm him down in these words, 'good doggy, calm down. Don't chase and bare your teeth to that gorgeous guy.' But I just grinned.

"Yeah, right! He can't even take a hint that I don't want him in the house. Geez, I mean, why me?" he said, putting up his hands in a way of asking answers from above, raising his head as he did so , so I looked up too. I hope the clouds give him one soon or we'll look like a couple of morons/idiots.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. What is he doing here anyway?" I asked him. That did it. I should have seen it, how his eyes averted like that. Should've read his expressions clearer. His eyes turned cold, like it normally did when he was pissed. Never the less, Inu answered it.

"He was called in again to be assistant teacher in History there for substituting Toyama-san coz' he's sick, right? Geez, why couldn't they call on Myouga-san or something?" He spat out. I looked at him in an annoyed manner.

"Inu, you know Myouga-san. He'll just cower from the jerky students." I reminded him. He tittered.

"That's the entire point." He said. You see, Myouga-san had this liking (no, not in a romantic way, you disgusting people out there!) for Inu Yasha. Like, he makes Inu do his bidding coz almost everyone's afraid of Inu. Heck, even he doesn't know why. He just gives off this aura that only I don't seem to get or feel. (So much for being a miko's reincarnation…). Myouga-san cannot control his students and expects Inu to shut them off while I make top notch in every test. Well, I have this liking for history. I am also planning to take archaeology in college.

Reaching the school gates, we were greeted by the B.I.T.C.H. or Bitch's Idiotic Club Hence. Now, you're going to ask me, why the heck does it have that hence? I don't know coz' they're stupid? I shrug at this point. Kikyou, the leader smiled seductively at Inu Yasha whom cringed in turn, seeing the 2 new accumulated pimples in Kikyou's cheek. Eew, it was really big and really red, but its point was this dirty white. Need I say more how disgusting I was? I thought so.

"Good morning Yasha baby!" Kikyou purred at Inu. Gosh, how the hell can she have much pride when she has TWO NOTICEABLE pimples! I'm sorry, for all those whom are offended, but let's just say I'm not used in seeing her having puberty problems. So, I thought no one had noticed my staring disgustedly at her chin. But she caught sight of me and nodded her head not in front, but left to right in that cheerleader TV style you always see.

"What are you staring at? I know I'm stunning but you don't have to remind me!" She said in that high pitch voice of hers added a loud squawk-er laugh, I so wanted to gag her if I wasn't a person that was so highly against violence.

I scoffed. "No, I'm wondering why you have a big head when you have two big pimples that are starting to ooze." I told her coolly. Inu almost choked on a laugh and hurried me out as Kikyou hurried over to a CR and so did her other club members, jaws dropped with widened eyes.

"Do you have a death wish or something?" He hissed at me, trying desperately to look serious when he was very amused. I raised an eyebrow amusedly, smirking triumphantly for no reason whatsoever.

I shook my head. "No, not really. But then again, death is easy to attain when you jail walk while the walking light is red." I grinned at him. He rolled his eyes at me.

"Can you be a little more serious?" He said, carrying my books for me as we entered our room. You could hear noises like:

"Why couldn't you do that for me, Richard?"

"Aww! How cute!"

"The perfect couple!"

"I wonder if Inu Yasha would beat me up if I asked Kagome on a date."

"You think I could ask for Kagome's phone number without getting pulverized?"

"I wonder if Kags would let me have Inu's cell number."

"Look at them, Chi, they're so romantic? Why can't you be like that to me?"

"Cause' you're a pompous idiot." A person piped up.

So on and so forth. I was just giggling there at some comments but remained silent. Not answering one of them. It's gossip. No one answers gossips. You spread them.

"Lady Kagome! How nice to see your lovely face today!" Guess whose voice that is.

I turned to see Miroku looking not at my face but at my chest with adoring eyes only for a split second before Sango hammered his brain into bits. He had tumbled over. I looked at him with concern.

"You ok, Sukebe-san?" I addressed him, hiding my amusement with a mask of worry. He looked around and smiled at me dreamily.

"Yes. AS long as I am in the presence of an angel. Wait, what did you address me as? Oh, Kagome! How could you?" He said theatrically, pumping his fist on his chest. I raised my brow.

"Simple. You think of it and then you say it." I told him nonchalantly as if I haven't even thought of it before it had come out of my lips—well, I actually didn't.

His jaw dropped. So I was being sarcastic. Has he not seen me doing that before? Even Sango's eyes widened. She looked at Miroku as if she wanted a certainty she was just dreaming. "Did she just say that?" She asked Miroku. Miroku nodded solemnly.

"Our little Kagome is growing up. First into a nice child. Second are sarcastic remarks. Then lies… Then drugs…" Miroku trailed off, his hands clasped at the middle of his chest, a look o sorrow on his face.

"Oh Puhleeze! Since when did sarcasm connected with drugs?" I scolded him, slapping his shoulder and glaring at him.

Miroku and Sango shrugged. History then soon started when a man, almost gothic, angelic entered the room. He had long silvery-white hair (like Inu's), tall in height, slender body and very graceful. I think you have guessed it by now. Yep, it's him alright.

So imagine the wide eyes of my classmates as the new teacher or whatever he is eyed us with that pair of golden orbs unemotionally. "Good morning class. I am Sesshoumaru Chimiesno. Your substitute teacher until further notice," He said, formally introducing himself. We all stood up and greeted him, welcoming him to our class. My jaw had possibly dropped to the ground and so did Inu's.

**OxOxOxOxO**

Okay, you maybe wondering why they were surprised, that is why it momentarily escaped their minds that Sesshoumaru was going to be their substitute, and even Inu Yasha didn't know his brother would begin immediately.

Also, college students can take a leave right, and it's easy to catch up where they left off. I had made Sesshoumaru very intelligent in this story, and sometimes college students DO substitute—at least in my part of the world.

**REVIEWS CORNER**

Lynh – Yeah, you did. I'm so glad to be appreciated! (Even though I don't think I am… Oh well…) Thanks for the review! Your vote will be counted on my list. Yes, I am keeping a list. And I wouldn't mind you putting me on your list. Heck, I would be honored. Oh, you can also convince other members to put me on their list! If you can, hack to them! Kidding! and I'm glad that you're my #1 fan. But… Is it good for the health to make me your idol? Hmmm….

Mala Valvah: Thanks! Keep on reviewing oh, and reading!

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**Amanda**- Grins that weird grin that makes people feel weird Arigatou. I'm feeling freaky.

**Crazy Lady**- Grins and just continues to grin.

**Sk8girl12804**- my answer to your question is in the A/N below before the chap itself. I just wanted to share the answer to everyone and I know for a fact that not all readers are interested to read the Author's answer to reviewers if they're not included.

**Cacat****-Angel** - gulps in breathe sharply Oh my, gosh! You know, I'm very flattered and happy that you YOU one my most favorite authors reviewed my fic! And also noticed that! sniff sniff I thought nobody would ever ever see that! And never point that out to me, or better yet, confront me. I was trying to make readers confused. If you have noticed too, I change the summary and the title of this chap and in the prologue. Its part of it, you see. I'm intending to keep it on character. That only proves my title of the fic: So utterly Confused. So I'm confusing myself and a lot of people out there! And you, seeing it just proves how great you are of an author! And I'm really proud that you're one of my fave authors! And, I don't think it's a sermon! I think of it a help to make my fic better. It just shows how intellectual you are and knowledgeable and me an idiot. I'm so happy, I feel like crying! This is such an honor for me! (I sound stupid so I'll stop now.)

**Felipa**- thank you!


	3. Chapter 2

**So Utterly Confused**

_Massao-na-Mizu_

**M/N:** Updates! Updates! Updates! I'm soooo happy that three of my favorite authors had read and reviewed my fic! I hope you like this chap too! Okie, it was morning so let us forgive Kagome for not being as sharp as she should have. But then again, she didn'tput two and two together all at once when she first saw Sesshoumaru in the series, didn't she? Oh, and if any one has a suggestion that you think I can use to continue this fic, feel free to review or email me. and I take criticism (constructive ones) well.

**Spoiler:** Crappy. But I promise that the next chap is far better than this.

**Disclaimer: I don't own the primary characters.**

**OxOxOxOxO**

**Chapter 2-****Wide Eyes, Dropped Jaws for the Arrogant Ass**

Okay. Can you say the words: Stunning, shocking, flabbergasting, confusing, surprising, astonishing, unexpected, and startling, so and so forth? Well, that's what I feel now and Inu Yasha was so busy being in a state of shock to feel me pinching his arm. You see, when I think I'm dreaming, instead of pinching myself, I pinch him. So maybe this is a dream…

Right now, you could hear a bit off gossip. Like this:

"He's hot."

"He could give me an F as long as he's staying forever."

"He's gorgeous!"

"Handsome."

"I wonder if he'll date me."

He looked around, leaning against his table. "Which one of you can tell me where you had last left off?" he asked, more like a statement or an order. Inu Yasha was too busy glaring at him to listen.

Many of the students raised their hands. Most especially girls. I spotted one of my friends raising their hands. Sesshoumaru looked at her and nodded to Rei. Rei stood up, her face all red.

"Introduction of Shingoku Jidai." She said hesitantly.

Sesshoumaru's perfect brow arched a bit, his arms crossing over his chest casually.

"You're late, very late. Read your book about the Introduction of the Shingoku Jidai until the next five chapters. Write a summary of that no less than two hundred words to be submitted tomorrow and study for a quiz the day after tomorrow." He finished firmly.

Every one looked surprised, confused and a bit angry. Even I did. The nerve of the guy! He won't even discuss it with us and will make us submit a long summary of the chapters! Arrgh!

I started to read angrily, not really absorbing the contents. Inu was still glaring at his older brother. _I smell conflict_, I thought, somehow amused. Inu Yasha glared at few people like that, and all of those people felt Inu Yasha's intense gaze that they would stutter or run, but Sesshoumaru didn't even seem to feel it, for he was busily writing more forms of torture for us.

Let's skip all that coz' nothing interesting happened after that. Well, if you would like to know, Kikyou tried to flirt with Sesshoumaru and ended up earning detention and a disgusted look from Sesshoumaru. I mean, with that two pimples….

Anyway, here we are, in our favorite hangout, the Haven. It's this restaurant with an awesome design, and delicious food and it's only a block away from school! Nice isn't it?

I pumped my fists into the table we were situated in. Inu, Sango, Miroku were startled. "That jerk! He didn't even teach anything yet and we already have a really big assignment? How mean is that?" I said angrily, earning raised eyes brows and weird looks from other customers and waiters. I crossed my arms across my chest stubbornly glaring at the table.

Sango and Miroku looked at each other. "Calm down. Why are you so warmed-up by this guy? I mean look at him…" Sango had this dreamy look that irritated Miroku and he had that 'jealous' look on his face.

"Actually, I agree with Kagome-chan. The guy looks as if he's lived on Antarctica all his life and has been very affected by the climate in his attitude." Miroku scowled when Sango didn't even seem to have heard him.

Sango shoved the matter off with a flick of her wrist. "What ever. Anyway, isn't he supposed to be an incoming sophomore? Then why is he here, substituting Toyama-san?" Sango asked thoughtfully.

Well… I haven't given thought about that… Why _is_ he here? I looked at Inu Yasha whom was trying to be ignored, forgotten. He was eating spaghetti and eating it quietly… Very odd indeed. "Hey Inu…" I started, making him grimace and arched a brow.

"Why is your brother here anyway?" I asked him curiously. He grimaced even more, gulping in his food without even chewing. That will be stuck. I predicted. It didn't.

"Toyama-san favored him when he was still studying in our school… Apparently, Toyama-san didn't know anyone of the staff capable enough to teach us with him sick and all. So he chose his favorite student and favored by most of the older staff, Sesshoumaru. And it's half-brother!" he barked the last sentence at me, irritated and looking pissed.

"Gomen, gomen." I told him, in chibi form, bowing my head repeatedly. Then I look up at him, in my natural size ad I couldn't help but pout.

"Why didn't you tell me anything about him! We've known each other for fifteen years! And not a single word!" I complained to him, suddenly realizing that he hasn't even uttered a word before. He looked at me incredulously, conflicting emotions in his face… I couldn't even figure out what is what.

"You never asked, and he isn't very close to me anyway. I rarely see him and he seems to hate my mom for replacing his… and he's always away anyway so whenever we DO talk, we end up almost killing each other." He told me quickly, trying to hide the bitterness in the slight mention of his mom. I didn't push him any further.

Despite my curious nature, I know when to stop when it comes with Inu. Coz I've shared the pain… The loss that he's felt.

I muttered an apology to him, hugging him when he had left me in my doorstep, startling him. He had hesitantly hugged back…

I never pondered about it that night. All I thought about was my studies and the next day, at 3:30, I was plotting the death of our substitute teacher… I smiled as I recoiled in my bed, chuckling silently over my weird sense of humor. Nahh… Even if he was a jerk, I know Inu Yasha would be upset if I killed him… also, as I've said before, or you have read before, I am against violence.

**Inu Yasha's Journal Entry- June 1, 2003**

What is loss?

Loss is when you lose somebody very important to you. Like my mom. We were closer than I was with my dad coz' I hardly see my dad. Heck, there was a period of my life when I didn't even remember his face when he entered our house. I thought he was a burglar coz he didn't rang the bell. It turned out he had a key.

It's painful. Losing someone and never seeing them again. When my mom last smiled at me… when she last uttered my name. It's very heart warming to know that someone loves you that much. That even in her last breathe, it's your name she'll say. Your name which she had thought of before you were born. Heck, I don't know if I'd be flattered knowing my name means Dog Demon.

But… It's more painful than anything to see her in pain. Her face streaked with tears and the man that claimed to love her wasn't even present there, when you so knew that your mom hoped and pleaded him to come… It hurts.

But, you get through it. And losing someone isn't the only type of loss…Especially when you have friends. Like Kagome. I know that I don't only feel friendship for her… I want something more… But she'll never return my feelings… I know so coz when we accidentally kissed, she apologized to me… Coz she didn't want me as a lover… She needed me as a friend.

You see, I had lost not in only one form, but two… I lost a mother… and I lost hope.

**OxOxOxOxO**

A/N: With the chap done, I'm going to start with my next chap and all my other fics that haven't been updated in a while! and I decided to be ultra hyper after having a dose of some omake parody fic! And I'm gonna be ultra nice and recommend great fics! Oh, and sorry about the journal thing. It would really contribute in the later chaps. I was contemplating about putting that in, reading angsty fics makes me wanna cry… but it's been years since a drop had fallen from my eyes. Seriously, I was not the crying type.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED Fics: 

Jam and Marmalade by Kei! Such a great author, I tell ya. Such a great story too! Read it and laugh your head off!

Yakuza by Cacat-Angel! I like it soooo much! Although I think Ms. Cacat-angel has postponed it, it's really great! I love it!

Distant Thunder- another great fic by Ms. Cacat-Angel! It's Hiten/Kag but be open0minded and read it! It's really good!

Shadows Against A Shoji Screen by Cappie-chan! You'll love it! It's an AU and if you love the Shingoku Jidai Era, this is soooo good! especially while drinking a hot cup or Swiss miss with marshmallows, and the weather's a bit cold…. Hmmm….

Prisoner my Prisoner!-Profiler 120 My absolutely most favorite fic ever! Coz I'm not the very mushy romantic type… I don't like most contact at all with the opposite sex… NO! I am not a lesbian! Anyway, it's very unique… The whole story is very well-written, detailed and described… It takes a really great author to write such a wonderful fic and Profiler 120 is really great! It's not mushy and it's not cliché! It's good for your health! -

Oh, and here's a little section in which I'll be putting translations of the words I'll be using that are not in the English dictionary:

**Translation:**

Sukebe- another word for pervert or a naughty person in a sexual way. You see, I'm kinda fed up using 'Hentai' coz' when I started hearing it, I was told it was Anime porn. And I do not want to use it and it's becoming a cliché because everyone's using it… I want to be a bit more original.

**Reviews Corner:**

**Profiler 120**- Yay! I'm so happy one of my most fave authors read my fic! Beaming any way, sukebe means pervert. I put it instead of hentai coz' I noticed that nobody uses it… Although in the English-subtitled animes I've watched, it's the most common term used. Forgive me for not putting its meaning! I promise to remember!

Anyway, thank you very much for reviewing! It's very very heart warming and I feel very honored that one of my fave authors had reviewed my fic!

I was laughing my head off at the first chappie when I was writing it… Ehehehe. I'm glad you liked it! It's my fave part too!

**EternalLove**- Okie dokie! I will! I'm so happy my fave authors are reviewing my fic! I feel so happy! I could die right now! Thanks for reviewing!

**Crissy**** Kitty**- Yep. In later parts I'll put jealousy in it! Um… Sesshoumaru's their substitute. You see, he's kind of popular in their school. More like a living legend! I'll explain in later chaps! I promise!

**Mala**** Valvah**- Okie dokie. If I get ten reviews I will…

**Youkaikagome**- as I have said, I need ten reviews before continuing… And it must be inspirational… Or anything but not flames.

**Mystical angel** - ehehehe. Okay, I will. - Don't laugh too hard or else, the air will go to your stomach and that air is like, um… Too much air and you'll fart! Joke…

**atashi-****wa-Yume**- okie dokie. -

**LovelyLioness57** – okie dokie… I'll update as soon as I get ten reviews! - 


	4. Chapter 3

**SO UTTERLY CONFUSED**

_Massao-na-Mizu_

**Disclaimer: **mumble mumble I don't own Inu Yasha… mumble mumble frowns If I did, Sesshoumaru would have been partnered with Kagome… mumbles again And Naraku would be gay… He would be running around trying to get Inu Yasha…

LITTLE KNOWN FACT: Blue eyed people and animals (if there are any) have better sight than any other colors of eyes. Maybe that's why Kagome's good in archery?

A/N: The words with asterisks means that I will be explaining them at the bottom of the chapter… And help! I am in need of a Beta Reader that is good coz I'm not… Please email me if you are interested or you want to recommend someone to me!

**M/N: **the words in asterisk mean that there is an explanation in the translation corner. For those who have not yet read this story before, I had revised it. It is so embarrassing! I had accidentally written: pooped instead of popped! And I couldn't help but laugh!

This is the sentence: Walking off towards my History class, my friend, Rei suddenly **pooped** out of nowhere and grabbed my hand.

It's supposed to be Popped. blushes

**OxOxOxOxO**

**Chapter 30-Weird Freaky Days IN Senior Year**

I looked pleadingly at Mama.

"Mama, I'm fine. I need to go to school. I have archery today." I reassured my mama in a pleading voice. Mama sighed and shook her head, checking temperature.

"Well, you're not that hot so I guess you can go to school." I silently yipped in delight. But mama looked at me sternly. I waited until she had let me off the hook.

"But you will have to go home if your get any hotter, you hear me young lady?" My mama said sternly. I bopped my head eagerly, like a five-year old kid.

When I was really young and my papa was still alive, Mama was really protective of me, probably because I was too weak when I was a child. Papa was the one that reassured mama that I was going to be fine. I loved papa. And I knew he had loved me… I had inherited my whole appearance from my mama… The wavy dark hair that fell to my waist, the creamy-white skin, the long eyelashes, and so on. But my eyes… My blue eyes were the only left remembrance papa has given me… That sets me out from any other typical high-school senior. It's not everyday you see a Japanese black-haired girl with blue eyes.

Anyway, I brushed my hair again; just making sure it was not tangled up. I slung my bag onto my shoulder, hurrying up in putting my black leather shoes and opening the shoji doors, revealing an impatient Inu Yasha. I was surprised to say the least. I was usually the one that wakes him up. I slowly stepped down the stairs, a confused look on my face.

He glared at me. "What took you so long?" He barked at me.

I glared at him, my hands flying to my waist. "Huh? Well at least I'm not late always! And I never nag at you! Maybe Kikyou should be the one to wake you up so your can kiss her pimples!" Eew… I wish I could take it back… Now I'm suffering from BMI. He scowled at me, a disgusted look on his face.

"Shut up." He muttered under his breathe, his head lowered. I frowned at him.

"Something's up. I know it." I said, pointing an accusing finger to his face. He sweat dropped. He turned away from me snappily.

"Can I not walk my best friend to our school?" he said, desperately trying not to blush. I couldn't help it. I laughed. Well, he looked so Kawaii! Even his ears were red so I tweaked them. He tuned redder.

Then stopped him in his tracks, startling him; my hands were on his shoulders, as I searched his golden orbs, I smirked as he blushed even more. I leaned back, and whispered to his ear.

"Say it." I said softly, grinning.

"S-say what?" He said reluctantly.

I slapped his playfully. "Silly! That you love me!" I told him, giggling a bit. His jaw dropped and his eyes widened.

"N-NANI!"

**OxOxOxOxO**

**SESSHOUMARU**

I walked casually towards my old school. I let the wind caress my face, playing with my untied hair. Yes, I was in a good mood. But I will never admit it to anyone.

I almost smiled. A bitter smile but I did not. I could remember Rin…

**Flashback**

Not faraway, you could easily hear the easy laughter of a young girl. Namely, my favorite cousin, Rin. She ran around the gardens that mother had usually tended when she was alive.

My mother…

It had been years ago when she died. Lung cancer, it had been. No one could've saved her. I watch Rin play around, urging me to join her. I walked towards her, my every step, silent. My face betrayed no emotion. Then again, I could not remember the last it had…

As I approached her, she pointed to a rose with thorns. "See, Sesshoumaru nee-chan? Even the most beauitfullest flower has its flaws!" she said delightfully. I did not answer. Such wisdom is extraordinary for such a young child.

She knelt on her knees, examining the red flower delicately. "You know Sesshoumaru nee-chan, a rose is like a human. It's not perfect. No one is… Mama had told me that…" She had said a bit sad, she rarely saw her mother. I didn't move. I was at loss of what to do. I didn't know if I should comfort her of hide behind my stoical mask. I chose to stay silent. She was touching the fragile flower in a caring fashion.

"It has thorns. So that when you hurt it, it will hurt you back. Mama told me it was revenge!" She told me in a frightful voice. My eyes went wide momentarily. What was aunt trying to do? Make Rin into a prodigy?

"But you know, Sesshoumaru nee-chan, I think you should not plant anything that would hurt people in your heart… Because you would be hurted also!" She said, I flinched at every grammatical error, but let it pass.

**End of Flashback**

Do not wish to discuss about my past… Let us leave it as it is.

**OxOxOxOxO**

**KAGOME**

I laughed at Inu Yasha's gaping form. My gut hurt and so did my stomach. "You look like a tomato!" I said between giggles. He burned even more is possible.

"Feh! Shut up!" he said. I couldn't. I laughed all the way to school, earning weird stares ignored completely.

After that, Inu Yasha refused to talk to me… I had tried to apologize, but he ignored me completely. Well, I shrugged it off and decided to apologize tomorrow when he had cooled off.

**OxOxOxOxO**

Walking off, towards History, my friend, Rei suddenly popped out of nowhere and grabbed my hand.

"Hey!" I said in protest. She was out of breath and I waited for her to calm her breathing.

Finally, she looked up at me with pleading eyes. "Kagome, can I ask you a really big favor?" She pleaded.

I blinked, before put my hands automatically on my waist. "It depends…" I told her coolly.

"Well, there's a sudden track practice and our teacher said to excuse ourselves for the entire day… Well, I've talked with my teachers except for Chimiesno-san," She blushed at the mention of the name. I rolled my eyes and she continued. "Please Kagome, can you tell him that I was called in for track meet?" She said, her hands clapping in a prayer position and her head bowing. I sweat dropped.

"Okay, okay. I'll do it." I told her in a defeated voice. She grinned at me gratefully and hugged me.

"Thanks, Kagome! You're the best!" She told me delightfully.

"I wish I could believe your flattery…" I muttered under my breath as I returned the hug.

"What's that?" She asked me. I shook my head and waved goodbye as she ran towards the open fields of our school.

I sighed, getting my bag that I had dropped with all the commotion. I entered our room and bowed to Sesshoumaru and saying, "Rei Imamoto has been called for track practice. She told me to excuse her in your class, Chimiesno-san." I told him in a blank voice. He didn't even look up at me and continued checking the present log in book.

"That means she won't be in my class. Technically, she's considered absent." I looked at him. Was he really not listening to me? I thought in irritation.

"Excuse me sir, but she was_ excused_ from this class." I persisted. He looked up at me, his golden eyes, flashing me a glare. I almost stepped back with the intensity. Almost. I blinked.

"Yes, she was excused. _But_, the fact still remains, she is nowhere to be seen in my classroom; therefore, she did not attend my class; therefore she is absent." He told me coldly. I could only gape at him for a moment before glaring at him and turning my heel, walking away from him. What a jerk! I thought angrily to myself. I hate him! I hate him! I said like a mantra in my head. I was still scowling when I got to my seat and Inu was looking at me curiously but said nothing. I turned to him and snapped, "What?"

He glared at me and then turned away. I sighed inwardly. It was official. Today is Torture Kagome Day.

Well, at least before archery… Ahh… Archery. The only thing I excelled in that mattered. Yes, I have high grades. Yes, I excel in math (kinda…) but what matters most to me is archery. It is my art. My passion.

The thrill in releasing the arrow, letting it hurl quickly into the red-dotted center. I smiled as I made a clean shot. Freshmen gaped at me as I smiled at Atasuke, our president. He flashed me his winning smile that I was sure made most girls falter.

"Nice shot." I shrugged nonchalantly, aiming another arrow… But when I tried to concentrate, my walls seemed to collapse… My vision was blurry and my head was all feathery light and spinning like a drunken top. I let go of my bow and arrow and fell down on my knees, holding my head. I heard Atasuke shout.

"KAGOME! What's happening to you? Are you alright?" He asked me worriedly. People had gathered around me. I nodded, my eyes half-closed and I attempted a weak smile.

"Yeah… Just got a bit dizzy." I told him. He frowned at me.

"I think you should go home. You need some rest. Would you like me to get you an escort?" He asked me with concern. I shook my head weakly, numbly trying to get up.

I succeeded, showering and then getting dressed in a plain white shirt and plaid pants.

I walked slowly out of the shoji screens and into the courtyard. I sat down on the hard cement bench, trying to breathe. When I felt better, I stood up, hearing a bit of incoherent words I made out as, "Drunk, Higurashi?" A male's voice had said. I shook my head irritated.

"No, I'm dizzy and I can't seem to see you clearly." I said, waving my hands in an attempt to feel him (: blushes: no! I'm not groping him!)

He caught my hand, his own hand, feeling my burning cheek. "Fuchui." He snapped at me. "You're sick and you came to school? How dumb are you?" He snapped at me frustrated more than asking.

I blinked. "Is that a rhetorical question?" I asked him, finally collapsing in his arms.

**OxOxOxOxO**

**SESSHOUMARU**

I was stunned to say the least. What did I do to deserve this? I was just walking casually when I saw Higurashi, one of my students and my dim-wit half-brother's best friend, looking drunk. And now, she's collapsed on me.

"Is this on cue, Higurashi, that when I come you collapse?" I asked her sleeping form, annoyed. I sighed. I looked stupid asking her when she's asleep. I opened her bag and searched for her school ID to see where she lives. (A/N: The ID's in our school has our address on the back… I don't know if they have it on Japan schools so I'm assuming they do …)

Successfully seeing it, I browsed it, and then carried her light body in my arms. When your school's only a block away from your house, do you have to use a car? I sighed. I wished I had decided to drive and rode my car to teach. Then I won't be carrying Higurashi home today then.

Miserable Higurashi stirred in my arms. I tightened my hold on her. She was muttering incoherent words… only one was audible. And I wished I hadn't heard it at all…

"Rin."

**OxOxOxOxO**

"Rin." She murmured to herself. I stiffened. Rin? How could she have known Rin? No, wait… I suppose there are other people named Rin. I stayed silent. Let my curiosity pass…

I rang the doorbell of their house and was surprised to see a twelve year-old boy smile up at me, his eyes traveling to Kagome and instantly turning into a worried frown. He opened the door wider, giving room for me to slip in with Kagome in my arms. Mrs. Higurashi had gasped, showing me to the living room where I set Kagome down. Her mother had taken her temperature and gasped, shaking her head sternly.

"I told her to go home when she feels warmer… I should have known her to be persistent." She said more to herself than to me. I did not answer. She looked up at me and smiled… I suddenly remembered my mother… She had always a smile on her face whenever she sees me… I said nothing, keeping my face expressionless.

"Thank you for taking home our Kagome. Are you her friend?" She asked me kindly. I shook my head.

"I'm her substitute teacher." I told her simply, betraying no emotion. She nodded, a bit taken aback by the information. She looked at me confusedly.

"Aren't you a bit young to start teaching?" She asked me curiously. I nodded my head, my eyes still in contact with hers. She had brown eyes… So she must have inherited her eyes from her father…

"I'm a college freshman, incoming sophomore. I had been asked to substitute and I am advanced in my schoolwork so I'm merely waiting to be promoted to sophomore. Toyama-sensei favored me for I was top of the class in my batch, which is why he had called me to substitute for him." I told her in a monotonous voice. She didn't seem to mind my tone, nor was nervous around me, unlike other normal parents. She seemed to have been smiling ever since she was born.

"Well, thank you very much, Mr.-" She addressed me.

"Chimiesno, Sesshoumaru." I replied cordially. Her eyes widened.

"You're related to Inu Yasha?" Mrs. Higurashi inquired. I nodded.

"He is my half-brother." I said, feeling more and more interrogated by the minute. She nodded again, smiling up at me.

"Well, would you like to have some refreshments?" She offered me. I shook my head.

"I should be going now. I only dropped by to return Higu-_Kagome_ safely. Good day, Ms. Higurashi." I said, almost calling Kagome by her last name, standing up. She led me to the door, saying good bye.

While walking home, thoughts flooded my head….

Kagome Higurashi…

Rin Ishikawa…

What was the link? Why did she know about Rin? What did she know about Rin? I shook my head.

No, I thought to myself. I have already decided that there must be possible a thousand people having the name, 'Rin'. There could be no possible connection between them. None. I continued to walk until I reached the house, ignoring my brother and entering my new room. And even as I was taking my warm evening shower, all I could think of was…

How and why did she know her?

**OxOxOxOxO**

**KAGOME**

I opened my eyes to be greeted by the things of my room… I shook my head, trying to regain some memory of what happened yesterday. I could not remember ever going home yesterday… The last time I was conscious was…

"_Drunk, Higurashi?" A male's voice asked me in an amused voice._

_I had shaken my head in an irritated sign. "No, I'm dizzy and I can't see you clearly." Heck, I even forgot my own words… I had tried to feel my way, and he caught me by the wrist… And that was all I could remember._

I tried to raid my mind… Where have I heard that low voice? My hand flew to cover my mouth as I gasped. My eyes went wide… No, it couldn't be…

Suddenly, there was a rap of knocks on my door and my mother opened the door, revealing a tray with hot soup and tea. She smiled at me.

"Oh, good, Kagome! You're awake! I brought you some breakfast! No, young lady, you are not going to school. And didn't I tell you to go home as soon as you get warmer or feel dizzy? Thank goodness Chimiesno-sama was there to bring you home!" She scolded me. I blinked, totally confused.

"Wait, rewind and freeze!" I said, struggling to get a hold of my thoughts. I supported my head with my hand. I blinked again.

"Chimiesno… You mean Inu Yasha?" I don't usually call Inu by his whole name. But this; was serious.

My mother shook her head. "No. His half-brother… I don't think he gave me his first name. No, wait, he did! It was Sesshoumaru!" She told me, lost in her own thoughts. Ugh… This is so not good.

**OxOxOxOxO**

Is that a cliffy? Shrugs I don't know… Anyway, thanks for all those wonderful reviews! I hope you send more! Oh, and as I promised, I added a meaning section:

Sukebe- It was in my other chapter which I forgot to give a meaning. Luckily, Profiler 120 was kind enough to point it out to me. It means pervert or a naughty person in a sexual way. You see, I feel that the word, hentai is too much used. I wanted my fic to be… More original so I categorize that word as cliché'

Fuchui- It means careless… -

BMI- Bad Mental Images I was teasing my friend one day in the play shop and telling her disgusting stories and she kept shouting: "BMI! BMI!" So I thought I'd share the new knowledge with you guys…

Nani- it basically means what

Kawaii- it means cute…

If I missed some more, please be so kind to inform me! Thank you and review!

**Reviews Corner:**

**Mystical Angel**Quite hectic. But you shouldn't be threatening me for I hold the power! (Grins sadistically) kidding

**Youkai Kagome**- ok, I will. -

**Mala Valvah**- Thankies! - I will.

**Profiler 120**- thanks for reviewing!

**Sesshyangel**- thankies! I'll be sure to make it a bit more… Um… Neat and clear… -

**Taiyoukai-kai**- Aww… You're flattering me… - you're right, the Microsoft word is wrong. You see, I typed it as lost, but it tried to correct me. And I believed it! Arrgh! Anyway, thankies! -

**Jessica M**.- Sorry, but the pairing will be Kag/Sess. And if you read this chap, it will explain why Rin cannot be partnered with Sesshie. Also, it is my beliefs that are strongly against Rin/Sess. Forgive me…

**Sesshoumaru77**- I will finish it, little by little the story's plot will thicken, until it has thickened and it has ended. As for your other questions, I cannot give away my plot bunnies… Gomen.

**Emme**- it's me. Thanks for pointing that out, btw. I owe you one!


	5. Chapter 4

**SO UTTERLY CONFUSED**

_Massao-na-Mizu_

**M/N:Updates**! Updates! Updates! Enjoy reading and of course, please review! I didn't put anything funny in here coz' I'm trying to thicken the plot… And there will be a story about the relationship of Sango and Miroku! I won't focus only in my leading characters! Too much. - Oh, and I put dividers on the POV's so that it would be tidier. If it looks tidy.

_There is a reason behind everything… That is the theme of this chap. Pure fiction, all the creation of my imagination. This is where I will explain why Kikyo's a bitch, why Inu Yasha hasn't broken up with her, why Miroku and Sango are not lovers, so on and so forth… And we go back to our theme: There is a reason behind everything. Enjoy reading and please review. It is my supplement._

* * *

**Chapter 4**-**Huh?**

I set the cups of coffee down on the table, my eyes trained on Miroku whom was tracing circles in the outer mouth of the cup I had handed him.

"Tell me again why you're not going to college?" I asked him in an unexplainable voice. I didn't expect this. I never thought this would happen…

He remained silent for a while. But he then lifted his eyes to me and smiled. It was warm, yet weak. My eyes were trained on my own cup of coffee, as I sipped it quietly. "Tell me." I said to him in a much softer voice, it was almost inaudible. He sighed, closing his eyes to hide his emotion. You know what they say that your eyes are the windows to your soul? Believe it, coz' it's true. It's so true it's scary.

"I want to be a monk, Sango." He explained me in a defeated manner. My hands quivered and my cup almost fell from my grasp, falling in my neat white crisp top and would have been damaging to my skin if it did. My eyes were wide and I couldn't tear my eyes of him as my jaw was hanging open, gaping at him.

"What? Miroku, the Sukebe King, a monk? Hohoho! If that's a joke, I cannot relate." I told him warningly, my eyes were dead serious and he met it with his dead serious eyes. I blinked and turned away. I hid my eyes with my long bangs; I forced a smile.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have acted the way I did. Of course, if that's what you intend to do, then do it." My voice was trembling, as if I was going to cry. And I was desperately holding back. At least until I get to my house.

"No, you shouldn't be sorry. I know I've been such an ass… But, let's just look at the future and forget the past…" He told me in this voice that pleaded to be reassuring. I nodded my head barely, nod uttering a word. I didn't trust my voice to speak…

The three loves of my life were gone, withering away from me…

First, it was papa whom was assassinated.

Then, Kohaku whom had ulcer and suffered until his very last breath.

And now…

Miroku will be gone from me.

I had prayed, believe me I did for Buddha to take away anything but Miroku. I had pleaded, please, not Miroku. But I was not granted. I couldn't be granted… Why? I asked myself. What have I done to deserve this? Why does Miroku have to slip away from my fingers? Why does he have to be a damn monk? Why couldn't we be together?

My pace quickened, my eyes still hidden beneath my bangs. I could not… I could not just let him slip away from my fingers. And yet, what will I do? What could I do? It was his choice, not mine. I could not persuade him to do what he doesn't want to…

Tears were clouding my vision and I did nothing to wipe them away.

Let it. Maybe I would get into an accident and get killed once and for all, I thought bitterly to myself. I bit my quivering bottom lip and let go when I took in air sharply. Even if I wanted to, I can't let go. I just can't let go of him.

"Aishiteru Miroku. Kimi no baka." I said to myself in a hurt tone. I hugged myself as rain began to pour. Well, it matches my pain now, doesn't it? The rain is pouring because of me… Because of my sorrow, I idly thought. I hate being down. I hate myself for letting me feel down.

**INU YASHA**

I couldn't sleep. I rolled over to my left side, feeling uncomfortable; I rolled over to my other. I still can't. I looked at my ceiling. It had no cracks, no nothing. Just plain white. Even if it's all blank, it reminded me of Kikyou.

Kikyou Kakeshi. Why Kikyou? Because I can't sleep, that's why and I'm feeling unwell. I don't have to have a big reason now, do I? My brother is the reasonable one, not me.

Let me rephrase that. My asshole half-brother is the reasonable one, not me. Why did I let Kikyou be my girlfriend? Why am I being such an ass at that? Because I don't want her to be hurt. Now you may be looking at me with those expressions that said, 'as if' or 'she can do much better without you, thank you very much' but no… She can't.

Because Kikyou's… Let's just say Kikyou's been in a lot. No, suffered a lot. You want the story? Okay, but it won't be very descriptive or detailed. I would not want it to be, or else the author of this fic would have to raise the rating and she's too lazy to do so.

It all started when Kikyou's mom died when she was twelve. She was very saddened by this incident and therefore became as cold as ice (coughs out that sounds like 'Sesshoumaru'). Of course, now without a wife, Kikyou's father took new notice of her. He abused her sexually, and getting her pregnant Kikyou did not want the child and attempted suicide, killing the child inside of her. She succeeded killing the child but not herself. She was harassed more often by her father. In the end, she got fed up, grabbing a knife from the kitchen, she killed him.

Mrs. Kaede, Kikyou's wealthy aunt from her mother's side heard of the incident and took Kikyou as her charge. Later on, Kikyou's father was found dead; all his organs pulled out from his stomach and chopped. It disgusted the police, but after knowing about how the father maltreated Kikyou, they did not press charges. After all, who would miss that bastard? Now that wasn't so bad now, wasn't it? It's disgusting, I know. But the anger welling inside of Kikyou was overflowing.

That is how I came to know her. She was placed in the mental hospital for a short while. I was there for a punishment from my school. I saw her and instantly noticed the resemblance of her and Kagome. She saw me too and she thought sparks flew and there was a connection (scoffs). After a few months, she became my school mate and my friend. Of course, Kagome being oh-so nice, she tried to be friends with Kikyou. But Kikyou refused. Kikyou became very unstable and she needed me to control her… That is why I haven't left her. That is why I chained myself to her. Coz' I was her helper. Her freakin' martyr helper.

But of course, no one knew of the whole truth but me, Kikyou (but she refuses to think about it, when she does, she's brought into a hospital…) and Mrs.Kaede. Having no child of her own, nor a husband, Kikyou was like her daughter. And I'm happy for Kikyou. I'm happy she'd found someone like her mom to comfort her make the wounds of her past go away. And now you know. So we should understand Kikyou. Even if it's hard.

**SESSHOUMARU**

I checked my answer paper once again while encircling a number. Bunch of idiots my new students are. That is why I had never considered being an educator. It was full of crap. And teaching worthless and going to be stupid all their lives people is plain waste of my time. If I wasn't being paid good money (a big amount from Toyama-san and the school itself); I would have quit. And torturing my brother only by my presence is proving to be amusing. Which reminds me; Higurashi did not come to class today. Feh, WCA? It was her business if she's sick or afraid to face me.

I did nothing to harass her. Even so, she should thank me for I was kind enough to return her to her house, unharmed.

And yet, my mind seems to fly to her. She continued to disrupt my thoughts as I checked the papers of my lowly students. And I was surprised she was one of the three whom passed with flying colors. Honestly. Was history too hard for their little minds? One of them only got one right. Now that is plain stupidity.

Higurashi was better.

Wait…

What the hell was that? Was I thinking of her again? No, I must not. I am her substitute. Nothing should come between us but respect.

And the respect doesn't have to come from me. It must come from her.

Not me. Heck, it would be a privilege for them. I respect only my mother…

But she too… Has left me… ****

**_FLASHBACK_**

"Face it Inu Taisho, we just married for the title! For the label and for the power. We used each other! We only thought that we might come to love each other, but your heart will never belong to me." My mother said bitterly.

I sniffed as I pressed my ear on the wooden door separating myself from their bedroom. My father stayed silent. I prayed to Kami that papa would make it better. He always did.

My mom let out a sorrowful chuckle. "I thought so. And yet, what will happen to Sesshoumaru? Will you ever love him? I know him, even with his warm exterior, that he had inherited from me… But when he grows up, I hope he won't be like you." She had said the last sentence with so much disdain I could not believe my mother had said it. My mother was always nice, smells really good and smiled prettily. A woman you would least expect to do something bad… But I heard her. I heard her say it to my father.

"Heiwa…" My father said softly. It was useless. I heard my mother stand up, and walking towards the door. I stepped away, too late. She had already seen me. Her eyes widened. Her eyes were red and puffy from shedding tears; pain was etched across her beautiful, elegant face.

"Mama…" I said to her in my boyish voice, my big golden eyes filled with curiosity. (You might be thinking now, awww…. How adorable. When I was a child. It's a lie if you said that now to me.)

She enveloped me in her arms, her shoulders vibrating from the sobbing. "Sesshou, it's alright… Mama will make it all right." She said, trying to convince herself more than she wanted to convince me. My father was in the doorway, looking guiltily at me.

"Sesshoumaru…" He began, I glared at him.

"You hurt my mama!" I had shrieked at him angrily, hot tears pouring down my youthful face. He was taken aback; no words came out from his mouth.

"I never betrayed you, and yet, you did your secretary!" She said, taking me in her arms and lifting me up, grabbing a suitcase filled with our excess clothes from last month's visit to Paris and got her car keys.

Tears blurred my vision but I still tried to glare at him. "You prick!" I shouted at him, startling my mother and father. So much for watching those things our maids were watching.

That was the last time I saw my father with my mother.

My mom and I lived in her parent's house. She got a divorce and I was put into her custody. Why she won? Simple, the proof of my father's betrayal was a living child only a year younger than me. You see? How irresponsible and inconsiderate my father was… The fucking bastard should go to hell.

My grandmother took care of me while my grandfather and my mother took care of our family's business. Mama had gotten the share from dad and separated it. Of course, there was a bit of war… My mother had put in all the newspapers and magazines about my father's betrayal and my father couldn't sue her of libel for it was all found true.

And of course, there was also the wench of my father… She had to pay to, ne? No, don't think of my mother as horrible, for she was even kind to the secretary when they had met. She never accused her of such things even though she had her suspicions. But the bitch was inconsiderate… For a while, I pitied Inu Yasha. When I found out about his name, I pitied him more.

But as time flew my pity change into hate… Hate that flowed to my very soul…. When my mom died when I was fifteen, I was taken to my father… I then knew that Inu Yasha's mother was dying… Serves her right for being what she is…

**OxOxOxOxO**

The woman smiled at me weakly. I continued to glare at her coldly. "Haven't you forgiven me, Sesshoumaru?" She asked me with her ill-filled voice.

"You never asked for forgiveness. And if you're not as stupid as you look to be, then you might know my answer." I told her curtly. Tears filled her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Sesshoumaru… It's just that… I love your father… Even before he and your mother met… I was stupid, I guess. Please forgive me…" She said, coughing a bit.

I could feel Inu Yasha's anger towards me. "She's asking for your forgiveness, you ass! Can't you just let it go and let her die peacefully?" Inu Yasha spat at me. I looked at him, my hands encircling his neck and lifted him an inch from the ground.

"Don't you dare tell me what to do! I am the legal son at birth. I am the older one. Thus, stronger. Don't fill your mouth more than you can chew." I told him coldly.

The woman shook her head. "I have learned my lesson. Please forgive me… Inu Yasha…" she said Inu Yasha's name last before she sucked in her final breath. She died that day, Inu Yasha's head was bowed and I said nothing.

This woman… Had asked me to forgive her… And yet, I could not say the words to free her. To free her from the guilt that the betrayal of her and my father had caused to me and my mother; the pain we have to suffer.

I was guilt stricken, so I left for Tokyo, continuing my studies there. I never thought I would ever go back. But now, here I am. The same old place where she died, her memories embedded in every wall and every plank of the house.

And for once, it didn't sicken me. The proof that she was still a part of this household was that her picture frames were still hanging on the walls…

**_END OF _****_FLASHBACK_**

I closed my eyes, trying to get to sleep. Arrgh… She was even invading my mind. No, not Inu Yasha's mother… Higurashi Kagome. What is weirder is the fact that she wasn't even in the topic of the flashback thing… I need some rest. A long sleep.

**

* * *

**

**KAGOME**

Walking in the park is one of the most peaceful things you could ever do in this place. Where you say? The author hasn't decided yet. Children were littered all over the playground, playing games I could not relate to anymore.

One girl has black, straight hair and black eyes, laughing with her little friend. It reminded me of my cousin, Rin. Rin was a very cheerful girl. Actually, the mostcheerful girl that I ever met… Heck, she even had a smile on her face when she di-

Let's not talk about that… Okay, I know I told you in the prologue you'll meet her in the late chaps, and I have no choice. Here are some flashbacks.

**_FLASHBACK- (Author's POV)_**

Kagome did not take away her hand that was still clutching Rin's own. Even in the darkened room, she could see Rin's face, very pale and almost ghostly white. She was dying.

She knew it. When her father had died because of the same illness, they were aware that she would inherit it too. It was a family curse. Everyone in the direct line was suspected to have it. And now, they were sure Rin had it.

Rin smiled at her older cousin. "Kagome onee-chan, don't cry. Isn't it good? Kami-sama will take care of me!" She said reassuringly, causing more tears to flow freely on Kagome's cheeks. Her innocence was very surprising. How she could say that casually like she was not dying of some illness and is in deep pain, she could still reassure you. How Kagome wished she could help carry the heavy burden that Rin has.

She nodded her hand, forcing a smile on her lips. "Yes, Kami-sama will take care of you. And soon, you're going to see your papa again. Didn't you tell me you miss him?" She stammered her voice breaking.

Rin nodded her head weakly, grimacing as it had caused pain. Kagome tightened her grip on Rin's hand. "Rin, I'll miss you." She said, embracing the child close to her. Rin tried to hug back awkwardly. "I'll miss you too, Kagome onee-chan. You're really like my big sister." Rin said in a weak-bright tone. The older girl nodded her head fresh tears streaming down. Rin's mother had arrived. She ran to her only child.

"I'm sorry mommy's late. Are you ok, baby? Feeling more pain?" She asked her worriedly, frowning with concern. Rin shook her head weakly, closing her eyes. Kagome fret, it was the last time her eyes would ever close and never open again.

"Rin?" Her mother asked hesitantly, afraid. Rin smiled. "I saw daddy when I closed my eyes. He told me to come with him." Her mother instantly paled.

"Rin, whatever you do, don't go with daddy." She said anxiously. Kagome was looking at both of them, her head shaking from left to right.

"Auntie, we should let Rin rest…" Kagome said to her auntie whom was already sobbing.

"He told me… He misses you… He loves you so much, mommy! And he told me to say goodbye…Goodbye mommy." She said, before breathing and letting it out…

She didn't breathe again. Kagome and her aunt cried, and Kagome had a lost stare for a whole month; even Inu Yasha had a hard time talking to her.

But she came to her… In a form of a dream. She smiled at her, saying she was happy there and she too must be happy for she would be said if she was sad. She had nodded, smiling…

And when she got up that day, she smiled and started a new life… With the memory of Rin.

**_END OF FLASHBACK_**

Kagome felt tears and wiped them away from her eyes, but fresh tears replaced them. Suddenly, a handkerchief came into her view, just above her nose, and a cough. She looked up to see a teenager about her age, smile at her.

He had black hair that was probably long for it was tied in the back of his head and he had matching black eyes. She smiled and said, "Um, I think I have one in my pocket. But thank you for offering."

The guy nodded and she searched in her pocket for her pocket for her handkerchief and wiped her tears away. She smiled at the awkward looking man and offered him to sit beside her. He smiled gladly and sat down.

"So why were you crying?" He asked her curiously. "If you don't mind me asking that is." He added quickly.

"It's nothing. I guess I just went back to memory lane." She said, grinning. He nodded his head in acceptance of her excuse. "My name's Kagome Higurashi." She said, offering her hand in a handshake. Kouga took it and shook it.

"I'm Kouga Kareshi." He introduced himself. "So what are you doing here?" He asked her. She shrugged. "Just walking by. And you?" She asked him.

He shrugged his shoulders, putting his arms behind his head and leaning at the bench. "I'm… Trying to think straight." He said reluctantly.

'And that's hard?' Kagome had the urge to ask sarcastically, but she just smiled. Nice little Kagome. Goody Kagome. "Oh. Well, I better get going. Nice meeting you, Kouga." She said, standing up and smiling at Kouga and then walking away.

Kouga barely nodded, looking at her retreating back. 'It was a good thing to walk by the park, then.' He thought to himself. He smiled and closed his eyes. Intending to take a small nap. 'Kagome Higurashi.' He repeated to himself. 'We'll meet again.'

**

* * *

**

Knowing that Miroku won't be going with her was like all her dreams shattering into pieces. She had always expected them to come through and somehow build a family of their own when they grow older. But now, it seemed like simply a fairy tale that from the beginning wasn't joyful at all until it ended.

For even the fact that Miroku had a sukebe's exterior, inside was a serious, intellectual and kind, gentle man. She had reasoned to herself that he didn't want to be hurt. Maybe he was really a fragile person. Maybe…

Sango sat up on her bed. Maybe… He didn't want anybody to be hurt. But why would anybody be hurt? Her eyes were unfocused, like her brain was confused. She had to know. She had to know of the reason behind this.

She ran into the living room, grabbing her jacket and pocketing her wallet, racing to the door. She didn't want to… She didn't want to let go… 'Miroku…' She thought to herself with determination. 'I won't let you go…'

**End of Chapter**

* * *

**M/N:** How was it? Review ok? Big Thanks to my wonderful Beta Reader!

**Translations:**

Sukebe- pervert or a naughty person in a sexual way (I'm repeating myself, aren't I?)

Kimi- you

Kimi no- your or you're

Baka- stupid or idiot


	6. Chapter 5

**SO UTTERLY CONFUSED**

_Massao-na-Mizu_

**Chapter 4-My Totally Abused Mind**

**KAGOME**

I feel guilty not going to school yesterday when half of that day, I was just resting. Oh, well. I had awakened extra early to pick up Inu Yasha and say my thanks to Sesshoumaru. I walked casually towards his house and got the key from the mailbox. Walking inside and knocking at the other door, where I suppose Inu Yasha had taken refuge for when I last visited, Sesshoumaru was inside Inu's bedroom. I knocked at the door and waited it to be answered.

It opened and surprised me for the second time this week. It was Sesshoumaru, tying his necktie, (un)fortunately dressed and looking at me with those cold eyes. I blushed and muttered an apology. And then I remembered I should thank him. I bowed my head. "Ano, thank you for bringing me back home… Sorry if I caused trouble…" I said, waiting for his reply.

"And what do you think your apology will do? Does it make a difference?" He asked me coldly. I looked up at him, momentarily caught off-guard by his flashing gold eyes. My eyes hardened as well as I glared at him.

"No, it doesn't. But will it hurt if I showed gratitude for an act of kindness?" I challenged him. He kind of snorted with a smirk.

"I did not do you an act of kindness, nor was I thinking of being kind when I carried you to your house. I was just merely helping to keep the school clean." He said, his eyes danced with amusement for a second, then turned cold again. I almost missed it and was confused, but I glared at him when realization hit me.

"Hey! I am not a litter! I am a person, a student! How could you say such things! You… You meanie! " I shouted at him, making Inu Yasha opened his own door and looked at us with sleepy eyes widening as it took in my angry expression and Sesshoumaru's cold stare.

"Hey Sesshoumaru! Quit being a pedophile and let Kagome be!" He barked at his brother. A pe-pedophile? If it wasn't that serious of a moment, I would have been laughing my head off! But the look in Sesshoumaru's face was priceless. His jaw dropped and his eyes were wide with indignation he closed it, glaring at his brother and walking towards him, pushing him on the wall with a loud thud.

"Careful with your words, half-breed. You might not be able to talk again." He said menacingly, dropping Inu Yasha on the floor to cough and I stared at both of them and grabbed Sesshoumaru's arm.

"What was that for?" I asked him in a tone that was mixed with emotions of concern for Inu, bewildered and anger for Sesshoumaru. He turned to me, his eyes flashing dangerously. I understood his anger for Inu Yasha's "joke" was not funny at all. Accusing someone who is 18 molesting a 17 year-old when he had just helped her is not, in any terms, funny.

"A warning." He said curtly, looking down at his arm, indicating that I release it and then headed for his own quarters to dress up properly. I sighed in frustration and helped Inu Yasha. I frowned in concern.

"You okay?" I asked him worriedly, rubbing his shoulders with my hands and he blushed. Huh?

"Yeah." He grumbled lowly I almost didn't hear it.

"You should better take a bath. I'll wait for you in the living room." I said simply.

"Wait, why are you going to stay in the living room?" He asked me curiously. I smirked and then pouted at him innocently as a mockery.

"I don't think we'll fit in your shower room and Kikyou won't appreciate me showering naked with her boyfriend." I told him, smirking amusedly and letting out snickers. He turned scarlet and went inside his room saying almost inaudible words that sounded oddly like 'of course my shower room's big enough.' It was my turn to blush. Okay, that was one example of the consequences of speaking without thinking.

I waited patiently for him. Why did I let pass Sesshoumaru's insult? I asked myself. Was it because he might lower my grades? I don't think so… I'd rather have low grades than have a jerk for a teacher. So why did I?

Because I was caught up with the confusion. So utterly confusing confusion and yet… So simple. "Weird!" I said in an aggravated voice; stomping my feet at the wooden floor.

"Please do not destroy any part of our house." An arrogant voice said. I turned to see Sesshoumaru, smirking at me in an amused fashion. I glared at him.

"Jerk! Mind your own business!" I told him in a snappy tone and turned, my head held up high. Serves him for being a jerk.

He was going to retort when Inu Yasha came. My savior. Did I tell you I'm voting him to be a saint someday? Can mutts be saints? After all, all dogs go to heaven, ne?

I turned to him, and looked at Sesshoumaru and instantly, I was at his side, pulling him out of the house with me Inu Yasha, mochiron (of course)!. He shook me off and I put my hands on my hips.

"Was he bugging you again, Kagome?" He demanded from me. I blinked and smiled at him. You see, I have this smile that melts slowly until it's all cheesy. I grabbed his arm and linked it with mine.

"Don't worry, Inu, I'm used to jerks." I told him; forcing myself not to giggle. I'm kinda sure he didn't get that.

"Feh." Was all he said as we walked to school. We have separated when we reached the gate and Kikyou instantly linked herself with Inu Yasha. Inu looked as if he was facing his doom.

"Hey Inu Baby. Did you miss me? I missed you so much! So did you miss me?" Kikyou bugged Inu Yasha. But they were too far away for me to hear the rest of the conversation so I didn't bother listen to it.

I walked towards the lockers where Sango was predictably waiting for me. Her head was low as if she's thinking about something over a lot. Wonder what it was.

I headed towards her, plastering a bright smile on my face.

"Hey Sango!" I greeted her. She barely nodded. It was an alert she was not in a good mood and something was bothering her.

"What's up?" I asked her. She shook her head for 'nothing'. I rolled my eyes and leaned at the locker beside her but jumped when I felt a metal thingy pierce my back. I looked at the locker to see the handle, innocently there. I slapped it in annoyance.

"Stupid locker… Stupid handle… Stupid…" I grumbled under my breath. Sango didn't even react when she was supposed to laugh at my 'klutz scene'.

"Tell me what's bothering you. I demand an explanation because if I pleaded, you would say no." I pointed at her with my finger, my eyes narrowing in mocked accusation.

She sighed and closed her eyes. "Kags, I'm not really in the mood to discuss it; let's just walk to History, shall we?" She said, starting to walk towards the said classroom. I just looked at her retreating form. There was definitely something bothering her. I could feel it. Sango was not like this. I felt a thug in my heart… I felt real sorry for my best friend. We've known each other or a very long time. And she never kept anything from me. She never held back on an explanation except that time she set me up in a date with Inu in eighth grade. And after the incident, she did explain!

So why was she holding back now?

**OxOxOxOxO**

**KOUGA**

Ever since we met yesterday at the park… She was all I thought about. Why? I don't know, I never got hooked up with a girl and she was no different from the others.

But… How would I know? Maybe because she had long dark hair just like other Japanese girls? An unblemished complexion and full rose-colored lips and all that other stuff. So she's adorable in her own simple ways… But what's so different about that?

And besides, she's a high school student… And I'm a college student. We can't be um… Whatever. I just have got to see her again. Maybe a stroll in the park later and we might meet again…

"Mr. Kareshi, since you can afford to daydream in my class, I take it you already know the answers to the discussion. Come down here and answer this problem." I snapped up to see amused grin and hearing snickers while the professor glared at me. I looked at the problem which was easy and shrugged walking down to the front and answering the problem.

I then walked back to my seat and waited for the teacher to respond. He glared at me while I rested my head on my folded arms.

"Mr. Kareshi that was not the problem I wanted you to solve."

"It isn't? Oh…"

**OxOxOxOxO**

**MIROKU**

_'Was I too harsh? Why had she reacted that way?' _I thought to myself as I rested my head on the head on my chair and closed my eyes. This is stressing me too much. I felt something hit me on the arm and saw a crumpled piece of paper. I looked around and shrugged.

Opening the letter, I was really startled. _What did you do to Sango! –Kagome._

I looked up to see her looking at me in a demanding way. "Well?" She mouthed to me. I shrugged. She rolled her eyes and mouthed something I couldn't make out so I turned away. I could feel her send me frustrated vibes. What could I do? I really don't know…

And besides, even if I knew… I don't think I could ever tell them what's really happening to me…

I just can't…

**OxOxOxOxO**

**KIKYOU**

I looked at her with narrowed eyes, accusing of anything she did. One step…

Only one step and she's dead.

Who is this she? Long wavy dark hair, cerulean blue eyes, creamy white skin and all that stuff men go mad for. And for me, she's not that special for we look almost alike. So why would anybody like a carbon copy like her?

A carbon copy gone wrong at that. I just don't understand what they see on her that they don't see in me. I'm smart! When I want to be… I'm pretty! I have a boy friend, right?

Wait a minute… Who cares anyway? Certainly not me; I do not participate in the world of envy. I'm on the envied list. So I'll turn around now to find my boy friend gazing at me lovingly and loves me… Turn now… that's right…

He's not here….

Turn again to Kagome's direction…

He's beside her…

Laughing or snickering about something…

She doesn't notice but he's looking at her tenderly…

She smiles at him fondly in a friendly way…

He smiles back forcedly… But when she turns back to her food…

He has this pained, hurt look on his eyes…

She doesn't notice it again.

It pained me inside to see him like that. Like a mutt trying to gain some attention from his master. Wasn't I the girlfriend? So what was he doing there with her? Was he some masochist or something? Letting himself be hurt again and again… And yet goes back for more.

I hated it. Despised it with all my heart… Loathe _her_ with all my soul. She didn't have the right to be loved by Inu. She didn't deserve him. I should get him. I started to walk towards their little table with their little group; my own friends following behind me. But then I stopped dead in my tracks when a thought hit me.

_Whatever I do, he'll always go back for more because he thinks she's worth it. Worth all the knives repeatedly stabbed at his heart when she looks at someone else… Stabbed repeatedly when he sees her pained and alone… Stabbed repeatedly because of the fact she doesn't feel what he always felt for her._

And now I'm the one who's being stabbed at every syllable… Every word that banged inside my head; making it throb. I couldn't help him. Tears blurred my vision as I made my way towards the comfort room, ignoring Kagura's concerned voice; Yura's pissed off voice that was directed to Inu and the rest of my little gang…

I rested my hands on the mouth of the sink, letting my tears fall down… They were silent… Kanna was rubbing my shoulders in an attempt to calm me down. It had no effect whatsoever.

Because whatever they do, it still hurts. Stung like a wound inside me…

You know what they say that the truth hurts?

Don't believe them.

The truth feels like hell.

**End of chapter.**

Explanation to the behavior of Kikyo's gang: I believe that if it wasn't for Naraku's control over Kanna and Kagura, they wouldn't be the way they were in the anime or in the mangga. And about Yura, I think everyone has a good heart. Even if it's only one percent… it's still there… Hope you liked it.


	7. Chapter 6

**So Utterly Confused**

_Massao-na-Mizu_

**Disclaimer:** I hate repeating myself. Kindly direct yourself to the previous chaps.

M/N: I'm not sure where my fic's leading to. So if you have any idea to help me, please email me. I would gladly give you credit for the ideas. It'll take me a long time before I update. It's hard to construct a fic and mostly, I'm sad because of my fic's unpopularity. Oh well, that's life- as Anne Twilight and Aeneid had repeatedly pointed out to me.

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**Chapter 6-Know When To Shut Up, And To Give Up**

_"Yesterday was the worst day ever  
And tomorrow won't be better  
Its History repeating  
Summer plans are gone forever  
I traded them in for dishpan water  
And every day is never ending  
I need to work, I'm always spending."_

_- Worst Day Ever, Simple Plan_

**SESSHOUMARU **

What annoys you a lot on mornings like these? When a certain student and best friend forever of your half-brother knocks at your door when you're still asleep or when you're dressing up and starts calling you 'Inu Yasha'.

I should put a top ten list here.

But I was not planning on doing anything to stop her. Let her look like the complete idiot she is and I'll find it very amusing.

Honestly, if not only for the innocent expression of surprise on her face, I would have accused her of bugging me on purpose. Now that is entertaining. Maybe I should.

No. She is my student and as much as I would love to see my half-brother suffer, I have my pride and dignity. In no way would I do such a thing as involve another mere student in my works.

It was just not me. I heard the door open with my sharp hearing and close. Almost muted footsteps heading towards the second floor where I and my brother were situated in.

I was ready to scowl at her. Complete with an arched eyebrow, cold glare and crossed arms. But it did not come. Instead, she knocked on the half- breed's door.

So she had learned her lesson.

Good girl.

Well? What did I care?

"Inu." Her soft, sweet voice called out to the mutt. There was no response.

She knocked again.

"Inu, wake up now," It was still gentle, but the sweetness was not that sweet. I could make out she was saying this through gritted teeth. There were some muffled words from my half-brother's part and I could feel the 'irked' vibes Kagome was sending.

"Don't make me break the door, Inu." She said, through clenched teeth. Inu Yasha instantly opened the door and Kagome told him to bathe which he did.

And this… Is the start of my everyday life.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_"I'd do anything  
Just to hold you in my arms  
To try to make you laugh  
Some how I can't put you in the past  
I'd do anything  
Just to fall asleep with you  
Will you remember me?  
Coz' I know  
I won't ever forget you."_

_- I'd do anything, Simple Plan (Hey, I'm addicted to their music! )_

**KIKYO **

I opened my eyes and let the warmth of the morning fill me. I've decided.

It pains my heart.

No matter what I do, he'll never love me.

It hurts so much.

Never love me as much as he loves her.

To see you go.

So why keep him? 'I can let him go.' I thought to myself with determination. We don't belong to each other and if we stay together, I'll go ballistic. I can't have a man that doesn't love me back. In fact, I think it was just pity that brought us together. He pitied me because of my past. He thought that I'd die without him. But... I'm starting to heal. And scratches the deep wound every time he's with me, but isn't really there. How does he do it? I don't know. In his own simple ways, he shows me he doesn't love me. Let's leave it at that.

To let you freely go. Once and for all.

I don't think that I'll ever forget him. Or erase the love that I have for him.

But I knew that eventually, I would have to.

But who knows? I'm only speaking for the present, not for the future. Maybe someday, I'll smile up at him and say, "I've loved you in the past. But, I've taken time and looked at my future. Unfortunately, or was it fortunate? That you were not there."

I close my eyes to stop the painful tears.

But… it will hurt so much to let you go. To eventually say goodbye.

I never realized how much ache I will have to suppress.

But this is for the good for both of us, ne? Of course it is.

It's the only way.

And today, he will be free.

I never thought it'll hurt so much to let you go.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**INU YASHA **

I and Kagome walked quietly towards school. There really was nothing to say. My thoughts flew suddenly to Kikyou. When will I ever be free? When will she ever heal and let me go?

I missed being free. I missed being only with my own gang than hers whom were all against me; except for Kikyou that is. Which reminded me, she doesn't have any pimple or anything on her face any more. And she wears less make-up. To my relief.

So she was more. Appealing to the eyes than before. Don't get me wrong. There are always puberty symptoms and having pimples is one of them. So here we were, at the gate. Kagome waved goodbye to me and I didn't bother search for Kikyou, whole-heartedly expecting her to just pounce at me.

It didn't happen.

She wasn't there. I looked around to see that only other students (whom I didn't know but were looking at me in fear) were on this spot. No Kikyou. No Kikyou club. Weird? Not really, they're probably in the bathroom or something like that. I'm sure she'll be calling me later on.

So I went to History and sat myself where I usually sat with Kikyou. Sesshoumaru came inside, to my surprise, he was talking to Kikyou. Kikyou was smiling gently at him, but he was still monotonous. Not cold, not harsh, but monotonous. She flipped her hair in not a flirting way, but subconsciously for it was untied, causing it to block her view. Gosh, I must admit she looks quite beautiful.

Finally, Sesshoumaru nodded and she bowed, making her way to find a seat. I ignored her, fully anticipating for her to seat down beside me anyway. She shook her head, trying to find a seat and she smiled as a guy pointed to her the seat beside him.

I turned and looked at them, flabbergasted. Kikyou has a bad reputation, but she never cheated at me. So why start now?

Anyway, I'll know later on.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**Dismissal.**

I waited for Kikyou on her locker as I always did and when she arrived, she was talking with her friends, in a happy way, unlike before, in a slutty way. "Kikyou," I called out to her and she looked at me and froze. Her friends all cast me withering looks and walked away.

She eyed me warily and opened her locker, ignoring me. I was getting impatient. "What is wrong with you?" I finally snapped at her.

"Nothing! What's wrong with you?" She snapped at me which caught me off- guard. Kikyou never fights with me. How totally unusual. Unfortunately, my mind couldn't pick up the signs she was sending me.

She sighed at me in frustration and she continued to dig up who knows what.

"You know what, Inu Yasha? Since you're been wishing to get away from me, I've decided to finally free you. That's right, you're free. We're formers and nothing more. I'll stay away from you and you stay clear from me." With that, she started to walk away, books in hand to the company of her friends.

I just stood there for a long time; processing every single word she had said. How carefree she had said them. As if a big amount was lifted from her shoulders. So was I the one keeping myself tied? Was she the one whom was really caged?

It was absolutely confusing.

I walked away, my head bowed down, my bangs covering my eyes.

Outside the school, I punched the nearest tree in sight and felt my fist throb in pain. But it was numbing quickly and I couldn't feel it anymore. Only the mental guilt stabbed me.

"Damn messed up." I grumbled to myself through gritted teeth.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**KAGOME **

I closed my eyes as I let myself rest for a while in the nearby park. Ah, so peaceful. So serene and so comfortable at the same time.

"We really should stop meeting like this." said an amused voice.

I quickly turned around to see Kouga, the guy I met just yesterday. I raised an eyebrow and retorted.

"New Flash, we aren't." I told him sarcastically. I wanted to add that words, 'how lame is that?' but refrained from doing so.

He chuckled and sat beside me. I grinned at him. "So watsup?" He asked me, his blue eyes almost identical to mine.

I looked at the sky and said, "I don't know, you decide." I was not really in the mood for chatting. A bit of company is fine, I guess. But this guy's interrogating me.

He looked at the sky for a while and then grinned at me. I blinked but did not turn away. "Let's have a different conversation, shall we?" He said with a gentle smile. I smiled back.

"So Kagome, where do you study?" He asked me. I sighed, looking at the playing kids before answering him.

"Edo High. I'm a senior there." I informed him. He grinned.

"That's my former school when I was in High School." He said in a matter-of-factly tone. I blinked, completely surprised. All along I thought he was a senior like me!

"Y-you're a college student!" I gasped. He frowned, but nodded.

"Geez. Sorry if I don't look the part. And F.Y.I. I'm studying at Tokyo University, A freshmen there." He said in a sulking manner and I couldn't help but laugh at my mistake and pat him in the shoulder.

"Sorry. Just I thought it unlikely for a college guy hanging in this particular park. No offense, but this is high schoolers and kindergartners infested." I informed him, not really sure if it's true.

He raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? I saw my batch mate, Snobby Sesshie taking a seat here one time." He said in a voice that shouted: you don't make the rules. I'm not!

My jaw dropped and my eyes widened as I absorbed in everything he's said. It took me a while to reply and I was stuttering. "Se-Sesshoumaru's y- you're batch mate!" I almost shouted in surprised and he nodded weirdly at me; probably confused why I over reacted. But it was like truth dawned into him on his sudden expression and then he scowled.

"I get it. You must be a member of one of his overpopulated fan clubs." He said in a sulking voice again. Over sensitive jerk! I gaped at him indignantly.

"Hey! I am not! I know him coz I've known his brother ever since I-I don't even remember ever since when we knew each other!" I shouted at him, making it sound more of in-between pout and whine.

"Half-brother," he pointed out to me shortly, much like in the manner of Inu Yasha and Sesshoumaru. I shoved it away dismissively. Am I the only one making the fatal mistake!

"Okay, whatever. I just don't care." I said dismissively and he looked at me, bemused at the fact I was acting weirdly. Well, not as normal as I am expected to be. But he shouldn't be really expecting me or anyone to act normal, now, could he? There is no such thing as a normal person.

"Fine. I'm eager for a change of subject anyway. Sesshoumaru is not really the best subject any of the lot should be talking about. A stoic man that looks like a living statue from hell, a tempter of sin for the ladies and gays is not my idea of a perfect discussion, mind you." I blinked. He had said it in an intellectual voice as if he was this old intellectual guy, talking in front of me. Actually, beside me. But whatever. I was still laughing at his words.

"Oookay. I think I can adopt college discussion. Even though I cannot completely relate so let's not talk about anything college-y." I said airily. He smirked at me, amused.

"Collegy?" he asked with a grin. He shrugged his shoulders and looked at the swings with interest. Oh, so maybe he was thinking of discussing the construction of swings. Oh well. That would be uninteresting and uselessly educational. Geez, now I'm thinking like all college people are like that. Mind you, I'm just kidding myself.

"I give, you. You talk of something else; except about boys. I would not like to see myself becoming gay after the discussion." He grinned at me and we laughed.

"But, I don't think that's really a bad idea!" I said, slapping his shoulder playfully. He frowned and then grinned again.

"Hey listen, wanna go out sometime? Like, not in the park?" He asked, trying hard not to sound hopeful, but he is failing; nonetheless.

I blinked and gave him the sly smirk I usually reserved for Inu Yasha when I'm teasing him. "Are you, what? Asking me on a date?" I asked him playfully. He blushed faintly but shrugged.

"Whatever you take it as." He said, trying to sound nonchalant. Like I'd let him off the hook. I leaned back on the back of the bench and looked thoughtfully at the sky.

"I'll think about it. But as for now, it's getting late and I need to go home. If I can pass by tomorrow here, then I'll tell you my answer. That okay?" I asked him, already fixing my bag and brushing off imaginary dirt on my uniform. He smiled at me widely and nodded.

"Well, bye then." I said, waking off.

So I get asked out on a date.

So I hate my teacher.

So I'm confused and giddy beyond whatsoever is beyond whatsoever.

But I'm glad I passed by the park and thought about nothing in particular. Coz I wouldn't be thinking of laughing my head off when I get home.

Oh, and did I mention I forgot if there was any real reason behind the fact

I'm reminding myself to laugh when I get home, shrugs.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

**SESSHOUMARU **

Was there no such thing as peace? Of course not. It is a figment of the mind of people who believe. Who hope that people will unite and make better people and a better world.

Loads of crap. If there is peace, there will be no balance on earth. No one will be classified into good or bad. Hell would lay dormant and it will obviously erupt, making demons or whatever sprout and try to tempt people and most of the population, if not all to make sins. Thus, the world evolves again into its imperfect self.

What people do not see is that the world is in balance the way it is. As they say, ignorance is bliss. And that is why other people who know the truth do not bother to correct the ignorant. For they themselves envy people who seek truth but at the same time are afraid of it. And so the balance is kept.

Why am I saying these things? Because it is like that.

People tell me that I'm such a waste for I have physical perfection, but inside, I am frozen. Just think of it this way: when you are perfect, people try to integrate anger, triggered by jealousy and so rumors sprout. And yet, lay low, they will still say things. So why bother?

That is why even if I heard Kouga talking to Kagome saying that I'm the most disinteresting subject of all, I do not care. For I feel the same way.

It is not mutual respect that makes people not fight.

Sometimes, mutual deceit works like it too.

**END OF CHAPTER **

So how'd you like it? If it's so bad, can you give me suggestions or ideas? I'm totally at a loss because of school starting. and teachers are already biting my head. Okay, that's all! Bye bye!

Acknowledgement:

**To Profiler 120-** my fave author and also, my beta reader! thank you so much!

And people, I recommended all her fics! Check them all out! Open your minds and see the great fic of Profiler 120!

To the Reviewers:

**Yume**- yeah. having troubles. hey, why don't you email me and give me some of your ideas and suggestions? I'll gratefully give you credits and acknowledgement for it! Anyways, nobody knows of it and she never tries to say it to Kagome. Sighs sometimes, people cannot help but close themselves to the facts. I'm speaking from experience and my knowledge over this thing. Which is very little.

Dragon Rae- you know, I have a subscription for you. being Kikyou's reincarnation, Kagome was helpful and all that. Well, because of me, being a Christian, we say that everyone must try to be forgiven. Because there are some kindness to them. Try reading Clumsy by Profiler 120. it will make you realize or think of something. But, heck yeah, I still don't really like her a lot.

**Pink Twilight**- hmm. want some more info? I don't usually give them out. but I'm fond of your name so you can email me and I'll straighten it out to you.

Yeah, I was gonna reply on a reviewer here, but she emailed me so I won't. remember what I said peeps, if ya don't understand something, just email me. I won't bite your head off.

**A bit of glossary: **

Hmm. I guess I should put this up.

**Batch mate**: for those of you who do not know the meaning, it simply means a person who is in your batch. Example, you're a seventh grader and you have a fellow seventh grader. the person is called your batch mate. Like a person is your classmate.

I thought I'd clear this off coz my beta didn't know the meaning so I figured that you might not know it too. And if ya don't understand some more things, email me. So bye! Oh yeah, want to say something to me?

You see that little button on the left side bottom of your screen?

Ooh! I know that you can see it so don't look at me in confusion! Don't hesitate! There!

Yep, that's it. Click it.

Yes, you're doing it, don't be afraid.

See that thing like an advertisement but says put some words there you'd like to say to me and about the fic. And please, that button was put here so that you can say what you thought of the fic and nothing else. No flames.


	8. Chapter 7

**So Utterly Confused **

_Massao-na-Mizu _

****

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****

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**Chapter 7**- **It's not as bad as it seems.**

**KAGOME **

_'I feel like I'm living the worst day _

_Over and over again _

_I feel like I'm living the worst day _

_And every day is the worst day ever…' – Worst Day Ever, Simple Plan _

Because of the date with Kouga and all, giddiness followed me through the day. I smiled as I began to put in the key of Inu's house when the door suddenly opened and I found myself face to face with Sesshoumaru himself. 

Talk about luck… 

"Um… Good morning?" I said. It was supposed to sound simple and nonchalant… not a question and kinda nervous. 

He nodded to me and then waked out. But then he stopped and I turned to him. His eyes flashed. 

"Mutt-boy isn't going to school… He's sick… banged his head on a tree and his head is hurting still." He said, obviously trying to suppress a smirk. 

"Oh… so I guess I'll be going to school alone…" I said more to myself and he started walking away again. I walked inside to visit my friend. 

Of course, he looked horrible as he tried to drink some headache reliever pill. He looked at me in surprise and I smiled sweetly at him. 

"WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU TRYING TO DO, BANGING YOUR HEAD ON A TREE LIKE THAT?" I shouted at him in frustration, mixed with worry. 

I frowned and he frowned too. He didn't say anything so I marched up, my fingers cupping his chin so that I could turn it up and with my other hand, I checked his forehead if he was hot. 

He had a normal temperature. 

Good. 

He's okay. 

"You're going to school tomorrow." I said simply, waving goodbye and then walked a few steps before and turning again to him. "Also, if you're attempting suicide, can you try it in a more none-face-damaging fashion?" And walked away nor turning again, 

Well, at least Sango's still there. She won't desert me. 

So much for non-deserting friends. Sango did not appear anywhere. She was not by my locker… She was not in her locker… no, I don't mean inside, duh. And she was not in nay of our friend's locker. 

I was so tired trying to find her that I resolved myself to entering the classroom and trying to find Ayame. She was waving to me and I smiled at her, heaving a sigh of relief and then walking towards her. 

"Hey! How are you?" I asked her casually and she shrugged. 

"Okay, I guess." She answered with a smile. So what was up with all this smiling? 

I nodded my head and was going to tell her about my supposed-to-be-date when our Head Teacher walked or like glided towards the front of our class. No one spoke. 

Head Teacher, Subame-sama had this power of making everyone fall silent. Maybe it was the warning she vibrated or something. But nonetheless, we all respected her. 

"Good morning class. No need to stand up or greet. As you may have notice, I need your help. Actually not just I, other teachers' need some of the students help so I need volunteers. No, wait… volunteers mess up… Smart people don't. Kagome Higurashi, proceed to the teacher's lounge after classes so that I can assign you to a teacher… Ami you too… Asuka, you know the drill. For the boys, you're all too stupid except if you're only half, so all the halves, report to me later on. Thank you." With that, she walked off. 

I was flabbergasted to say the least. M-me? Why me? My lips formed into a pout and I sulked the whole day, just trying to listen at least one fourth-heartedly. I was afraid to know whom I was assigned to. Only Toyama-san is the nice teacher. Everyone is soooo strict. Including Inu's brother. 

So when dismissal came, I was so surprised to be patted on the back by half of my classmates sympathetically. They gave me forced smiles, signifying they'll be attending my burial. Okay, that was over-reacting. Signifying they'll visit me in the hospital. 

I slowly walked towards the teachers lounge and was surprised how… different it was from the school's surroundings. Normally, students were not permitted inside it and now I knew why. 

They'll be so jealous. 

Why? Because inside, they had three functional vendo-machines in which you only push the button of the drink you want and it's free… a total of three sofas and a big TV and all that comfy things. And there, in the very end of the sofa, was Sesshoumaru, sitting stiffly up-right and reading a book. His hair was down, like when I first met him, and he didn't have the cold expression of his face. But there were still no emotions on his face. 

"As I am sure that since elementary has been thought to you, why can't you stop that manner, Higurashi?" He asked me in that cold voice. 

"Huh?" I asked him confusedly. He closed his book with that sound of paper to paper and stood up. He tilted his chin so that he looked even bigger than he already is. 

"It is not polite to stare." He said coldly, walking away and heading towards what I think is his little table. 

I shrugged. "I'm not a very polite person after all." I shot back at him in an innocent voice. He smirked at me. 

"It figures," He said as he stood up and walked to where I don't know and I don't care, really at all. 

I stuck my tongue out at his back and waited for Subame-sama to tell me my assignment. So guess who turned up? 

Subame-sama looked up from her folder and her lips twitched a bit (maybe it was an effort to smile) and she motioned me to come closer. I did as I was 'motioned' to do so and waited for further instructions. 

"Higurashi… you'll be helping… what's his name?" _Oh no, please… please no… I've had a bad day already… please n-_

"Ah, yes. Chimiesno, Sesshoumaru. He's your substitute for Toyama, isn't he? Well, a tough one, he is. He tried to talk me out of helping him." She shook her head in an exasperated fashion. "Young teachers today are too energetic. But he'll surrender soon. Well, he's on his table there. Do you know Toyama's desk?" nods numbly "He's sitting there." She looked up from her file and peered at me in a bemused expression. "Higurashi, are you taking drugs?" Blink. Blink. 

"N-nani?" I asked, shocked. She smirked and shook her head. 

"Kidding. Anyway, move Higurashi." She said, sternly as walked away. 

I did not oblige her any further to plead my case. I sulkily dragged my feet towards him but straightened my posture as I realized something: I won't let him win over me. What would he win over? I don't know. But it's a motivating thought enough to keep me on the right track of my mind. 

So I said my pardon and stated my business. Guess what? He smirked at me and gave me loads of paper. Looking into them, they're the quizzes we did half of last week and it's really a big pile! I looked at him and he had this overly annoying look that spilled the words: Don't tell me you don't get it? 

"Check it, Higurashi. Check it. I'm surprised you high-school goers do not check your classmate's papers when it is common practice for independence. 

From next week on, the whole class will check the quizzes. But for now, here's the correct answers and get a move on it, Higurashi." He said in an indifferent tone, but his eyes were showing an expression of amusement. I tried hard not to kick him and see him howl in pain. But considering he's the brother of Inu Yasha and how he had so effortlessly lifted him off the ground when no one could, I did not bother further and sulked as I sat down in the vacant desk chair and put the pile in the desk beside his and produced a red ball pen out of my bags pocket. I started checking quickly, memorizing the corrections and checking and encircling the numbers. 

I even forgot about how annoying Sesshoumaru is while I concentrated on the essay of Miroku. The question was: 

_Why did women and men marry early five hundred years and more ago? _

_Well, the younger, the more beautiful the wife would be. Because if you married a thirty year old woman in those years, possibilities are that they had looked like old prunes (disgusting, really). Also, they could reproduce more in numbers so that the ability of reproduction would still be able after suppose twenty years of marriage (you can build your own little school with that population). Without your wife looking like her youth has been sucked out of her. _

_And if you ask me, men are enticed with a woman's (if you consider a fourteen-year-old girl one) innocence. They were uneducated and didn't have to fight in battles. So in short, they did not know what is happening outside. It's very unfortunate that I was not born in those years. But maybe I was. I don't know. _

Oh-kay. I did not know what mark I'll give this guy. Either to be a loyal friend and give him a passing grade or not. Decisions, decisions…so easy yet so hard to make at the same time. 

"Give him a perfect score. The answer is correct." Sesshoumaru suddenly said from behind me that I almost jumped in surprise as I shakily wrote Miroku's score. Sesshoumaru had then snatched the paper from me. He smirked. "Perverted... But correct." He said, taking the pile and sitting down on his desk. I was only staring at him. 

He gave me this look that really irked me and made me embarrass at the same time. "Well, are you not conscious of the time, Higurashi? It's time for you to go home. I'll report to Subame-sama about your so-called 'help'." He said in a monotonous tone. And I walked away. 

He was probably thinking up of a lame report how 'uncooperative' I was or how 'slow' I was and he did not think of it as help. Arrgh! 

"Stupid jerk!" I said tersely as I walked out of the school building and into the road. "I even thought that maybe he was kind!" 

"You did?" 

"No." I turned and saw Kouga grinning at me and I blushed. He heard all my mutterings! 

"Nice day, isn't it?" He said in a teasing way and I closed my eyes in an exhausted manner. 

"Not for me." I mumbled as I continued to walk towards my house. He easily caught up with me. 

"You know, I was waiting for you to drop by on the park. But it seems like you couldn't make it." He said gently and I inhaled slowly. 

"Look, I'm real sorry, but that jerk is really giving me a hard time! I just-arrgh!" I told him as I quickened my pace. 

"Who's the jerk?" He asked me curiously. 

"Oh, you know him." I told him in a gruff voice. I'm harassed. Can you blame me? 

He blinked and thought for a moment. He scowled. "Sesshoumaru?" I nodded. 

"Look, as much as I'd love to chat, my mom's waiting for me at home and I need to go. But I'll see you tomorrow! Bye!" I smiled at him and then ran home. 

If this was the worst day ever, then what would tomorrow be? 

**End of chapter. **

**Acknowledgement: **

To Profiler 120, my favorite author and also my beta reader! really, she did a great job in editing my fic and also gave me ideas for the next chaps to come! So keep watch peeps! Also, she has a new fic so you'd better check it out! Once again, I thank you for the great job! You make my life much easier!


	9. Chapter 8

**So Utterly Confused**

_Massao-na-Mizu_

**OxOxOxOxO **

**Chapter 8**

**DOES IT REALLY MATTER?**

_Does it really matter?_

_That we're nothing alike_

_Does it really matter?_

_It's you, not your brother that I like_

_Does it really matter?_

_That I'll never reveal that to you_

_Coz I know how you're gonna react_

_Does it really matter?_

_That it might be a one-night stand?_

_Do I really matter that much to you?_

_You know I don't like playing games_

_And you know I'm irritable_

_I don't like playing by the rules_

_Does it have to matter?_

_That we're not for each other?_

_Does it have to matter?_

_You're in college and I'm not_

_I don't think so..._

_Coz when I fell in love with you,_

_I let go of all my worries_

_So why can't we take the chance?_

_And leave this damnable place_

_Coz I really want to be alone with you right now_

_-Guia (A friend of mine who introduced Inu Yasha to me and bounces about when she reads a fic)_

**OxOxOxOxO**

_Brief Explanation: Kikyo here will experience the emotion turmoil Kagome has always felt being mistaken as Kikyo and um... over hearing the conversation and the hug and all that crap... My feeble attempt on something really general._

**SESSHOUMARU**

I reread the letter she sent me. Even if it was a foot away from my face, I could smell her perfume--which I knew was another expensive label she favors a lot. Her lacy and intricate script was just as I remembered it when she last offered to sign the letter I needed my mother to sign. My mother was sick back then and ready to die... this woman always reminded me of my beloved mother...

_Sesshou,_

_How are you, luv? I haven't seen you for a while and Inutaisho-sama has informed father that you were to live with... Inu Yasha_

_Well, I guess you've changed since you have always told me how much you loathe your younger half-brother._

_So, I decided to come visit you for a whole week. I hope you don't mind, for the time you have read this letter of mine, I'm already on my plane to Japan. Hm... this way, you can not reject the possibility of seeing me. _

_Ah, how I missed Japan. It's been a long time since I last went there. Even if Paris is great, I just can't trade our country. Anyway, blessings to you and don't pick me up on the airport. It is bad enough I've written you a letter when I was meaning to surprise you. _

_Curse formality. Hmm._

_Cordially, _

_Atashime_

I folded the rose-colored paper and put it inside its envelope. I stood up and took a shower. It's been a long time since I felt glad. Maybe this day won't be so bad.

**OxOxOxOxO**

**INU-YASHA**

I woke up two hours early for school, took a shower, ate and dressed. Whoa, even Sesshoumaru was not yet awake; or so I thought. But there was really something bothering my mind.

_I just can't...I just can't let her go..._

I know I've been mistreating her and had been telling myself: she's just there because she's the next best thing to the one 'I love'. But, her words keep coming back in my head and I feel guiltier... and for some odd reason, I feel as if I lost something very important to me... someone I hold dear in my heart.

Then I realized something:

_I love her... _

At first, I didn't even recognize it. I have mistaken it for the flu. I kept telling myself that I loved Kagome. But as I said it again and again, it just felt... Empty. Don't get me wrong, I love Kagome--but a friend, a younger sister; not a lover.

I don't know why I've been so stupid not to notice it... Maybe... maybe Kikyo was not really the next best thing... Maybe, all along, I've been unconsciously in love with her and because of the similarity of her face with Kagome, I thought I was in love with my best friend!

Maybe that's why every time Kagome is angered by Kikyo and uses profane language, I feel sorry, almost hurt for her, stopping the fight as best as I can by dragging Kagome away... I also feel hurt for Kagome every time Kikyo mocks her, teases her and makes life a living hell. Well, Kikyo never succeeded for Kagome was too passionate, too loving, too caring and all for anyone to despise her so much. Maybe I'm wrong assuming this, Kagome maybe WAS the next best thing to Kikyo.

_Arrgh..._

I banged my head again and again in the cabinet's door, making my head hurt like hell and it was a miracle no blood trickled down my face.

I felt so messed up... so confused... I was perplexed because I did not know what to do or what to think. But then again, I had to decide. I had to do something before my life crumbled into nothing but dust and flows again to oblivion.

Balling my hands into fists, I walked out of my room and out the door. I'm going to tell her. I'm gonna tell her what she needs to know. What she rightfully has to know.

I'm gonna tell her how much she means to me, how important she is in my life. I'm gonna tell her I need her back, that I'd give her anything just to hold her in my arms again. To make everything all right again.

_I'm gonna tell her I love her. _

**OxOxOxOxO**

**SANGO**

RRRrring... RRRrring.

Went the phone as I desperately tried to contact Miroku

Gosh, it had been almost a week since I last had a decent conversation with him. All week I was ditching him and making REALLY obvious excuses to escape him. Kami, just kill me.

With another ring, the receiver was picked up and a sleepy Miroku answered the phone.

"Hello?" he asked in his very sleepy tone which was kinda adorable.

I gulped as I tried to be calm.

"Um, Hi, it's me, Sango." There was a pause before he replied.

"Sango," he echoed, with a taken aback tone. "Hey," he said quietly. Wow, the Sukebe king was not one to be awkward in a conversation with girls.

"Um... can we talk after school? Privately? It's kinda important." I said in an uncomfortable voice. I silently cringed. Was I making him nervous? I could hear him shift positions.

"Gee... can't we discuss it at school?" He asked, or more like pleaded. I felt crest fallen. So he had something to do...

Jerk. I was going to bear my heart, my soul and feelings to him and he was trying to ditch me? I sighed.

"I don't think there's much privacy in school." I bit my lip. "But if you have something to do, then I guess..." I trailed off, biting half of my lower lip.

"No! It's not that!" He said quickly, it felt as if he was in a hurry to reason with me. "Okay," he sighed. "Where will we meet?"

It was my turn to sigh in relief. Good thing he said the word 'meet', because I didn't know how to deal with him before we met up. Well, I had to prepare my speech and practice it and all...

"How about Isshin?" I asked him. My heart was thumping loudly inside my chest. Kami, say yes. Say yes! Okay, you can say anything but just agree! I pleaded in my mind.

"Okay," he said in his soft voice which I was very familiar with. I forgot to hide my squeal of delight and triumph. "You okay?" He sounded worried. "Is there a cockroach there or something?" I shook my head, biting back a giggle. I thought for a moment and slapped my head.

Kami, how stupid can I get? Of course he couldn't see even if i danced around nude the telephone! Arrgh. Zero points of intelligence for me.

"Uh yeah, just pretty stressed out," I said in an airy voice. I heard his fingers tap the table beside his bed.

"Well, you said it yourself; you're stressed out. Are we sure we couldn't move this?" The color drained from my face as I stammered to stop what he wanted to happen.

"Nononono! This is um, part of why I was stressed-out you see, I need to talk to you--really, really important." I told him quickly, trying to sound serious and trying to make it sound urgent.

Hah, if it was THAT urgent, I couldn't have waited until dismissal.

"Sango, is this something to do with what I think it has?" He said seriously. I felt my heart thumping faster and faster crazily. "Sango," he said patiently. "You know I can't say no when I woman gulps in her dignity to propose marriage to me." He said.

Oh she could now see that naughty smirk making its way to his lovely lips. Her face was beat red.

"What! You-you SUKEBE!" I shouted at the top of my voice.

"See you at school!" He squeaked, the line going dead. I slammed the receiver down and buried my tomato-red face in my hands and rubbed it, trying to get rid of my red face.

Calm down, calm down. I told myself in a mantra.

When I did, I sighed again. You may have noticed that sighing is one of my Sango-ly traits (I know, it's not a word. Flashes Author License & let readers see it's expired).

I walked over to the mirror and smiled to myself as I made my way to the bathroom. 'Okay,' I prepped myself. 'You need to look neat and clean and sincere. After all,' I babbled to myself, a bit embarrassed. 'It's not every time or ever maybe that a woman makes the first move'.

But in special times like these and ever-so-special-people who happens to be very perverted it calls for drastic measures--so how cliché is that?

Uhm... that was meant as a rhetorical question, so don't answer that.

**OxOxOxOxO**

_I hold it true, whate'er befall;  
I feel it, when I sorrow most;  
'Tis better to have loved and lost  
Than never to have loved at all._

_  
**Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892) **_

**KIKYO **_Yesterday_

I wiped my sweaty palms on my lap and pushed hair over my left shoulder, letting some strands cascade down my back. I peered up to see the smiling face of my psychiatrist.

"My, Kikyo... I think you're finally over the trauma... but, you still need to visit me every once in a while for a check-up." She said benevolently, winking at me. I forced a smile. Normally, I was acting 'pissy'-- (not a word) and bitchy--always trying to get her off my case... closing my mind on the fact that I needed serious and professional help.

"Well, since the medicine I prescribed for you is working, I won't change it. Also, please avoid relationships first." With that, she came to me and enclosed my hand with hers and gave it an affectionate squeeze. I raised my chin and saw her smiling sympathetically towards me.

Sympathy... how I _used_ to _hate_ that word.

"Kikyou," she began. "I'm glad you told me about your break-up... I know it's cliché," she chuckled, though I did not follow suit for I didn't know why I should. I did not, in any way find this amusing.

She looked at me in motherly way and for a second, I had a twinge of longing for my _real_ mother. "But... have you ever heard of the saying, 'if you really love someone, then let that someone go, and if he come backs to you, then welcome it back?' I know it's not exactly the same words used, but do you get my point?" She asked me kindly. And I did.

It just... it hurts to know he's gone... well; actually, he was never mine. But now, even the thought of approaching him seemed so... weird...

I nodded my head and licked my lips to moisturize them. "I'm trying... so hard... for the best--to change... I don't want to stay on my past... Even though it's a factor to sculpt my future, I know that the four walls that I have created to lock myself inside ... will eventually blow apart..." I sighed, I felt like Rapunzel as I told her about the four walls. I closed my eyes and opened them with much difficulty.

"I just don't want to be hurt all over again coz when you reach the very top and fall down; it hurts much more than when you fall in the lower floors... I guess, I'm afraid..." I finished, my throat was so tight I was almost sure it was sticking on the skin of my neck.

The Lacoste perfume I was using which was momentarily very noticeable and fragrant--was gone and I couldn't smell anything... my eyes felt as if they needed to be closed to stop the tears from spilling; but if I closed them, it would be very painful.

I suddenly felt two warm arms envelope me. A palm patted my back and then started drawing circles. "Don't worry," my psychiatrist comforted me in an encouraging and supportive tone.

"It's all going to fall into place... Everything's gonna be okay, just stand tall and face your fears..." Isn't that the reason why there are psychos running around and killers and mental people on corners? She continued. "Your loved ones will guide you... you have friends right?" she asked me gently, her warm breath tickling my ear.

I nodded my head, my eyes closed and droplets of my tears were wetted my cheeks. Yura, Kanna, and Kagura made their way inside my mind. In no way... In no way could I ever, ever forget about them... heck, I'm even going to tell them my past and reveal my misery to them when I find time to do so... because I didn't... want to be a burden to them because of my anguish.

_My pain is only mine--and mine only. _This was my motto ever since my mother died and my father did the most awful, disgusting thing a man could do. I don't wanna think about it... But now, I've learned to open up.

And open up, I will

I just hope I don't cross paths with Inu Yasha, since I'm not ready yet. Then again, I know he'll have to know of what I really feel towards him...

I don't know how stupid he is not to realize that.

Just... not now.

**OxOxOxOxO**

**KAGOME**

I rushed towards Inu Yasha's house, got the key from the mailbox...

And got swept almost off my feet when Inu Yasha walked or more like swished past me.

It took me ten seconds to recover and register what had happened and then I ran after him. Imagine: my run is only a brisk walk to him. I don't know if I'm really just a slow poke or he's really fast. ":Huff:-where-:huff: are you going?" I panted. He didn't even spare me a glance as he explained.

"Wait for Sesshoumaru there and he'll drive you to school. I have some business to attend to." He said impatiently and jogged away. I stopped and caught up with my breath.

"I think it's too late to ask what's up with you when you're a block away from me." I muttered sarcastically with a roll of my eyes.

I walked back to his house and waited patiently or so for my standards for Sesshoumaru.

Wait.

Rewind and pause.

Did. He. Just. Say. That?

No. As in no way will I ride with Mr. Walking Refrigerator that could beat Tokiya Mikagami from Recca no Honou with his coldness! Arrgh! Well, we ARE all entitled to our own opinions, aren't we?

But hey, can't deny the fact that the guy has great abs-! No, no, no! I did not just him praise nor credit! Nor admitted he has GREAT abs! I did no such thing. N-O S-U-C-H T-H-I-N-G

_Sure you didn't._

But as I resolutely told myself in a mantra just that, I found myself opening the door of their house and I stopped dead in my tracks. Was that becoming some routine that I just did that in reflex! No, it was not. It was like sleep walking the other way around. Geez...

Note to self: Take more vitamins to enhance memory and brain itself.

But as soon as my closed eyes led me to the kitchen, I bumped into a pole. I opened my eyes in shock.

For one, the Chimiesno Mansion did not have any poles inside their house... well, what do you call that circle walls supporting the two stair cases? I was nowhere near them.

I don't think either Sesshoumaru or Inu Yasha would ever bother spray some expensive-smelling cologne on their walls either.

They were so not that vain or they were not 'gay'.

So, as I raised my eyes to look at a pair of golden orbs, so shiny I had to blink several times. I fidgeted and smiled uneasily and turned it into an apologetic one. "Um...sorry..?" I offered meekly--which I think he completely ignored since he walked past me.

Oh-kay.

So much for Mr. Little-I'm-A-Darn-Gorgeous-Guy-That's-Why-I-Can-Totally-Ignore-You.

I looked at him indignantly. "Hey!" I protested.

"Mutt-boy's gone," he stated simply and somehow, it highly irritated me. Arrgh. I rolled my eyes.

I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders at the same time, lifting my arms in a way that meant I didn't care. "I'm not looking for him." I shot back in a snappy tone.

He raised a brow, the emotion of amusement shown in his eyes. Am I really THAT laughable that when he wasn't insulting me or while he was or glaring at me, he was finding amusement from me? Okay, it was time to advise him to set aside this hobby and move on. To a new, sage, Kagome tease-free hobby.

"And since when do you come to our place and visit me?" He asked me, his voice was completely monotonous. Yet, I had the feeling he was mentally laughing his head off and my cheeks burned automatically.

"I do not!" I said in Japanese. My hands were poised on my hips, giving off my pissed off mood. Screw talking in other languages. If you want a point taken, then better say it in a clear language which was direct to the point.

"Then why are you here when I have already told you Mutt-boy has left?" He challenged me defiantly. I fell silent. Talk about unexpected questions.

My hands dropped from my hips as his own arms crossed over his broad chest. "Because," I paused, unable to think of something, so when I felt fed up, I just told him what Inu Yasha told me.

"Inu Yasha told me to walk you to school!" There, I said it. Though it felt SO wrong. Because it only hit me now that he said HITCH A RIDE FROM HIM. He actually chuckled; an event--I could tell even though I don't really know him well, I knew I said something horribly wrong, because he was looking at me humorously.

"So," he grinned I forgot to note that that smile was very, very gorgeous. A thing I will never admit to him aloud. "He practically told you to court me." My jaw dropped like his did when we first met. I won't give reference to that.

"Oh, can you be malevolent?" I snapped at him loudly, irately.

"It's not my style to do so." He smirked, making his way to the refrigerator and pouring the orange contents of the carton juice into a glass.

I crossed my arms. "Whatever. I don't even know why I'm here. Oh yeah, I do." I curtly said both looking thoughtful for a moment and totally forgetting nor having any idea to finish what I started. He closed the refrigerator and raised an eyebrow at me, an expectant look on his face. My bottom lip quivered a bit. "I was just going to ask if you'll need my help later on. More help, more extra grade." I finished and I mentally slapped myself for saying something so pathetic.

Lame beyond lame.

"You're not actually helping, Higurashi. You're just there to be seen by the Head Teacher then you'll have extra points in your failing Social Studies." He replied off-handedly and I looked at him outrageously.

"I am not failing in Social Studies! I got almost perfect in everything!" I snapped. It really was true! He only smirked, pointing his finger directly at me in a mocking way.

"You will if you don't stop pestering me. I am, after all your teacher no matter what." He said triumphantly and my face burned as I corrected him dubiously.

"Substitute teacher." I mumbled.

"A teacher nevertheless."

**OxOxOxOxO**

I gazed at the scene behind the window of my first-class plane. Japan... ah how I missed my birth land. The spectacular food, temples, beautiful sights. A real sight to behold: Japan.

My fingers traced the blue lake. "Almost there." I murmured to myself absently as I smiled wistfully. How long has it been? A very long time, I guess. For I could no longer remember the last time I saw his face. But the picture of him stayed framed in my mind.

He was an unforgettable part of my past.

I chuckled to myself.

Ever since we were small, he was admired by everyone around him. When he was four, his mother Heiwa's friends would always visit their mansion just to take a look at the cute, adorable boy and pinch his cheeks--and then he would hide behind my back as to find shelter from the 'scary looking' ladies.

_But that was a long time ago... he would not be the same person he was then... I am not exactly the person I was back then... why should I expect him to be? After all, only three years passed since he became even more cold and distant. Everyone tried to make him feel better..._

_But no one can really ease the pain._

I remember telling him all about that...

**FLASHBACK**

I ran towards him and grabbed his shoulder, panting slightly and beaming. He regarded me with raising his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes at him. He always does that 'eyebrow-raising-thing' that maybe substituted for rolling his eyes at me.

"Uncle talked to me by phone yesterday," I stated casually.

"Which one?" He asked monotonously.

I squinted and gulped. "Um... your dad," I said quickly and cringed as his jaw tightened and set itself.

His gold eyes flashed dangerously for a minute and hardened like drying cement. "What," he began. "I pray did the bastard say?" He asked softly in an uninterested tone. Ooh... whenever he uses that voice, he was pissed. I fidgeted for a moment but protested after.

"Don't call him like that! No matter what happens choice or chance, he's still your father. Stone him to death, for all I care. Just don't tell my dad I said that. But who will be hurt? I suppose you're thinking of only yourself, but stop being so selfish.. You know he um... _did um that... he has other responsibilities..." _I flushed. He must feel really ashamed--and he has every right to be. I was deserving of a slap--a really hard one. For one, I lost my head and said so much crap. I shouldn't have lectured him, but I can't take back what I said.

It was reasonable he was angry. Who wouldn't if you knew your dad is cheating on your mom and lying to you? He shouldn't have married Aunt Heiwa if he knew he loved another and if he didn't love her...

All the same, he still did. I don't get people. Promises aren't meant to be broken. When you break a promise for an inconsiderate reason like that, it shows you don't have the balls or the other thing to keep your word.

But still, I didn't think before I acted. I never gave word that I had a sharp memory. Really important note to self: buy memory enhancer as not to be caught in a dangerous disagreement with Sesshoumaru, as not to be _again_ caught in a dangerous disagreement with Sesshoumaru. I may die for all I know. Though I don't it may work well considering it's me we're talking about.

I'll have to invest in proper handling of brain, for that matter. Oh, and don't forget to buy bestseller: 'Nine steps to know when to shut your mouth and effectively shut it'.

Yes, that is what I know my family doctor would prescribe if he hasn't given up on my case yet.

ANYWAYS...

He looked at me weirdly and I knew I would have to treasure this moment in a keepsake box. Imagine, Sesshoumaru has shown another emotion besides annoyance and anger.

Though the little part that's causing it not to be really bad is because he thinks I'm WEIRD. Oh-kay. I think I can live with that as long as he keeps his opinions to himself.

"Just for one small curse word, you've given me a lecture. Now you have an answer to your impending headache every time we have classes." He smirked and started to walk, leaving me to ponder on his words.

"Hey!" I called out and glared at him. "Are you saying that I get lectured every day!" I grinned as he nodded with a smirk and I caught up with him and slung my arm in his.

"Still, you shouldn't say that." I told him sternly, raising a finger.

"I like saying it, you can't make me stop."

**END OF FLASH BACK**

He was not as stoic as he is now--or how I remember when I last saw him, but stoic nonetheless. People really do change.

**OxOxOxOxO**

**INU YASHA**

I waited for her to walk out of her house so that I could talk to her... to tell her my feelings and all the things I have to say to her, like apologizing for my mistreatment. Minutes later, she did, surprising me by having her hair, freely cascade on her back. She never goes to school without a hair pin or anything dangling on her hair. Much more, she was wearing light make-up that really looks nice and sport socks and taekwondo shoes.

Her lips looked so soft... so kissable... I had to shake myself as not to just pull her and kiss her. I then blushed. it took a while before she noted me and got frantic, walking quickly away.

I ran a bit to catch up with her and grab her wrist.

"Kikyou, please wait," I begged. She stopped on her tracks, but didn't face me so I let go of her hand and walked to face her. She avoided my gaze by looking at the floor. I felt a pang of both hurt and guilt.

She couldn't face me...

Am I really the one that did this to her?

"Please," I pleaded once more, out of myself. But I was in love...

"Just listen to me. I won't take long." Talking. Coz real soon I'll be taking you into my arms.

She raised her head to meet my eyes with hers.

**OxOxOxOxO**

**KIKYO**

I looked at him carefully. Was this really Inu Yasha? That guy that became mine for a while?

Pleading for me to give him a chance to explain himself?

He must feel really guilty, I thought bitterly to myself. After all, there was no other excuse for what he is doing now. He never loved me.

I closed my eyes and willed myself not to cry. Not another tear for him coz Kami, this is getting soooo old.

All my tries of making myself climb from my fall for him proved ineffective for I still wanted to crush myself to him... To let him envelope me in his arms...

He fidgeted and kept looking at me and on the floor. _He's tense, _I noted to myself.

He was never tense around me.

Oh, but all the more with Kagome. It's wasn't a big thing for me. So why was he acting so weird right now?

Was he on drugs?

I closed my eyes and tried to talk. "Is this something important?" I asked in a tight voice and he looked at me quickly. I could see hurt, pain, and guilty quickly flickering in his gold eyes. I felt a dull pang in my heart that my going away must have caused.

"I'm gonna change schools," I said suddenly, surprising myself and Inu Yasha. I couldn't wait any long to tell him.

"W-what?" He sputtered. "Y-you can't!" He protested in an outraged voice.

"Why not?" I replied quickly, making a shaky intake of breathe. He looked at the floor and I felt on the verge of getting fed up.

How many times does he have to do this!

"Because," he said stubbornly, his face turning crimson. I didn't know how to take in his behavior. Why the hell was he acting this way? Did he really just notice me now? Or cared enough to try to stop me from leaving?

Then I realized, this was the perfect timing to tell him everything…what feel--no, felt for him and all I've gotta let go and tell him. "Do you know why I'm leaving?" I said instantaneously and he looked at me with an expression that clearly suggested that no, he did not. So I continued on explaining.

"It's because of you," I said with utmost confidence that did not match what I felt inside as his eyes clouded with confusion. "Because I wanted to forget you." I said, biting my lip to stop it from trembling.

"I wanted to forget how much I love you. I damn love you so much that I let you run around with Kagome. I admit it, I'm such a stupid person to let myself fall this deep that I couldn't get out of this grave I've dug for myself. I'm such a fool I forgot or made myself oblivious to the fact that someday, I would have to let you go.

"This is that day, Inu Yasha." I said, letting tears fall from my eyes so that I couldn't see him clearly. 'It will lessen the pain,' I thought to myself. I raised my bowed head and told him, "We're miles and miles apart. We're not for each other. You know that. Know that oh-too-well that still can't get it why you still stood beside me all that time."

I trembled and I tried to continue. "You have someone like Kagome... all glory and she's all that." I willed myself not to roll my eyes at the mention of her. "I know I can never have--or deserve you. I'm soooo not in the league with you." I made a pained grin and looked up.

"You know what they say I kinda resemble Kagome? We don't... in fact, you can write a top hundred list of how different we are from each other. Maybe that's why I'm going away." I blinked and tears spilled down my cheeks to my chin. "Coz no one has ever given us one look, and chose me. Except you coz... coz I know heck know why you didn't break up with me. I'm crazy and you know that." I said, taking a step towards him until we were only about six inches apart.

"I want a fresh beginning. I can't have that here...I can never be ultimately myself or what I want to be here... coz I can't live seeing the girl you love so much--knowing I can never have you look at me the way you look at her..." I almost whimpered if I had not covered my mouth with my hand.

I vainly tried to steady myself to look up and see he was looking at the ground again, at a loss. I forced a smile, but I can't... "When I was more mental, when I didn't listen to my Shrink, I always thought... Oh Kami... _take anything... anyone... just please... leaving Inu Yasha to me... please... I think I've lost one-too-many to survive..."_

I came closer and cupped his cheeks with my palms to raise his eyes to meet mine. "I have no choice," I whispered to him, my breathe surely he could feel with his lips. "I have to set you free... to set _both of us free..."_ I enveloped him in my arms, savoring the feel of him against me... I tightened, wanting to mold myself to him...

"I'm contented. As long as I know you're alive…as long as I know you're happy with…her, I'm happy. As long as I know you're okay, then I'm okay. Take care of yourself, Inu Yasha." I said as a parting, kissing his forehead and walking away.

"I-I won't be attending class because I still need to talk to a few more teachers so I can go. Maybe tomorrow I'll be out of your life forever." _But you'll still be a part of me…_ I did not include the last part as I walked towards the corner and turned, breaking into a run towards school.

I can do this…I told myself. I can get through this.

"Goodbye, Inu Yasha…"

**OxOxOxOxO**

**INU YASHA**

What just happened...?

Oh yeah, she just left me. LEFT me. _'I love you so much…' _She told me what she felt. I'm a coward. I'm also stupid for not realizing that now. Wait, she's leaving?

I dashed en route for school. No, I can't let her…I can't let her go just like that… I love her and I won't let her be separated from me again…

_But what could I do? _I stopped dead at my tracks and thought for the first time in my whole stinkin' life, what _could_ I do? Maybe it was best to let her go... she let me go... This was, after all, what I wanted from the beginning.

With that in mind, I walked to school, keeping my head low.

..._right?_...

**OxOxOxOxO**

**MIROKU**

I ran a hand through my hair. Meeting. Tonight. With. Sango. After telling her I wanted to be monk? Can I do it? The truth is, I didn't want to be a monk…but I promised my father before he died that I would fulfill his will to follow his footsteps…that led to his death.

Okay, it was a misunderstanding, but still. Everyone knows of your location and such. He died because a drunken man went to our temple and started banging on the walls and when he came out to tell the man off, the man shot him in the stomach.

Not very much my ideal job.

It doesn't involve a very honorable death.

It's definitely not my ideal job.

Sango…I would really like to spend my whole life with her. I know I'm speaking weirdly. I mean, I'm only a senior, there's a long way to go before I graduate from college and all the crap. But still, Sango was the only one whom has shown me real love and compassion. I won't go into the details…for the reason that I don't know when it started and how it started. I guess I just loved her instantaneously.

So... what WAS she going to say to me?

That I'm the biggest lecher, no doubt...

I pondered about it in class that I didn't even here our professor, Makino-san call my name.

"Makimoto!" His voice boomed. I stood up quickly, surprised.

"Uhm... yes, sir?"

"Are you zoning out?"

"Uh... no sir."

"Really?" He said in a suspecting voice. "Then enlighten the whole class with what you understood from the discussion." I nodded my head.

"Uhm... Having sex is very dangerous, especially when you're a minor because you might get the Sexually Transmitted disease when--"

"Please don't elaborate anymore, Makimoto!" Makino-san said dryly. "The topic is already wrong. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a math teacher. Therefore, having Sex is NOT in any way connected to our subject. That should be taken as an offense to you, Makimoto."

I slumped in defeat.

It was not really my fault that I was wrong!

I looked two rows behind me and saw a snickering Sango. I narrowed my eyes for a moment and frowned, turning my eyes back to the front to try and 'listen' to my teach.

Yes, this was definitely Sango's fault.

**OxOxOxOxO**

**SANGO**

Was he zoning out because of me? I mean--we ARE meeting later on... maybe he's thinking of what I want to say?

Will he cancel our uhm... shall we say... date..?

Oh no, why did he narrow his eyes at me!

I hid my smile and tried to listen to the discussion. I've also been zoning out for the whole week. I sighed as I saw him turn his back.

What was he thinking about?

Was he annoyed to hear me snickering!

I was not snickering because of him!

My mind was a big, big blur. This was the last subject and then I'd go straight to Isshin. Arrgh... I don't even know what so say!

I mean... it's not as if I had EVER fallen in love with anybody else... he's my first, and as weird as this sounds, hopefully my last. I want to be with him oh-so-cliché forever.

I sighed. _I'm pathetic,_ I thought to myself. I wasn't even snickering at him. Rei was telling me a joke...

Talk about real wrong timing.

I covered my mouth with my hand as a thought made its way to my mind.

Was he thinking that I'm a truly horrible person!

I didn't want to think about it--and I didn't! This was soooo getting aggravating. I kept looking at the wall clock and my eyes seemed to always wander to him... then I'd direct them to the window.

Luckily, the day flew by and it was time for dismissal. I hurried towards my locker, dropped my stuff and walked towards Isshin.

Cool. Calm. Collected.

I told myself over and over that it started to be a mantra inside my head. I shouldn't be worrying over what I was to say to him. I never had difficulty talking with him. Never.

So why was this so damn difficult!

**OxOxOxOxO**

**KAGOME**

I slowly walked towards the teacher's lounge and waited for Sesshoumaru to tell me what to do. I put my hand on the door knob tightly and then prepared to open it as quiet as I could, when it suddenly opened forward, forcing me to fall.

I waited for a crash, or at least to feel my self topple to the ground into some teacher who's going to give me detention and a bonus evil-eye until I graduate... _if that teach will ever let me graduate..._

But it surprisingly didn't come. I collided into something in between being soft and hard--or both! I then felt two large hands place themselves on my shoulders. My hands that were trapped in between my chest and the teacher's pushed me away from the person I collided with.

My eyes flew to the head of the person, searching for his eyes to say an apology when my eyes met blinding gold orbs giving me a cold gaze.

I shifted and blinked. This may sound very stupid but...

"The light bulb's too bright," I commented, saying it loudly. Told ya... when you actually shake your brain, it begins to make you feel woozy and other crap...

"Higurashi, stop hallucinating. We don't have golden light bulbs." I was surprised to see Sesshoumaru, smirking in an amused and arrogant manner. I blushed.

"Oh, um...my mistake," I said sheepishly.

He let go of my shoulders and I took my hands of his chest. Despite myself, I tried so hard to ignore and not to think about the numbing, stinging feeling on my palms where the cloth of whatever he was wearing and his muscles were fitted into.

Regardless of how I'm really incredibly annoyed and irritated at him, I still wanted to run my... hands on his chest...

Whoa.

I should really stop hanging around Miroku. Sukebe-ness is a disease that could be caught with hand contact. Also, it's overused and so much of a cliché. I felt like hiding my face with my hands or running a mile to shake myself off.

We walked towards his desk and he handed me some paper work and gave me instructions. He went back to his seat after I sat on the chair where I sat yesterday. "Ask me if you don't know something." _'Do I know something?'_ I thought wryly to myself.

I separated the answer sheets from the question sheets and put in top the right answers so that I could check the papers correctly. As it became automatic, my mind drifted to other thoughts that were cooped up inside my head. They were scattered thoughts of my family, friends and such. I dared not venture to the embarrassing memories and things that reminded me of my past mistakes. Okay, I couldn't stand much of that.

I must have looked goofy because when I felt Sesshoumaru looking my way and I looked at him, he had an amused smirk matching the completely amused expression in his eyes and I felt my face burn in embarrassment. This is weird because I could not bring myself to get angry at him.

Is that strange or what!

"Okay, I know I'm weird, I admit it, but do really have to press it in?" I asked him tiredly. He shrugged his broad shoulders as he looked away and continued to type at his laptop that looked more expensive than the five beds in my house plus the TV.

Okay, I'm exaggerating, but you have an idea... right?

"I can't help feeling sorry for you. Salem Witches were out of the ordinary thus, we can call them 'weird' I'm sure you've heard they were executed?" his smirked broaden as my face paled and flushed. My interests don't contain discussing deaths.

"Change topic," I muttered softly and quietly as I bowed my head low and continued to check the papers, quickly finishing as I tried unsuccessfully making my heartbeat return to its normal state.

"I'm not in a mood for a conversation and it's not really the time or the place to converse," he said and his fingers glided again on the keyboards as his eyes were trained on the folder on his left; leaning on the file shelf.

As I finished, I stifled a yawn and had to cover my mouth. I took a peak on him and saw the he was cracking his knuckles. He looked at me with a blank face and asked, "Finished?" I nodded my head as I organize the sheets of paper from their type and order.

I handed the sheets to him and rested my back limply at the back of the chair I was seated. "I never knew that checking so much paperwork could make your back sore." I commented mostly to myself. He didn't reply and I didn't mind at all.

"So uhm…what do I do next?" I asked him awkwardly and he raised a fine brow at me. He took a comb from his pocket and started to comb his snowy hair. He WAS making ME jealous of his hair, isn't he? I pouted and looked at the table.

"I'm thinking," he said after a while of just staring at me. He then looked at me again with an arched brow.

"Why not go home?" He asked me in a simple manner and I shrugged, got my bag and stood up.

He looked at the time on his Rolex watch and raised both his eyebrows.

"You can probably come with me to the manor and see Doggy." I grinned, biting back a laugh. I nodded my head as he put slung the strap of his damn expensive looking messenger bag to his shoulder and made his way towards the door.

I scampered after him.

We went to the parking lot he walked to his Porsche (or any car that looks good with him... help?)--at silver one at that and clicked the alarm controller, making it beep twice and opened the doors.

I slipped in and he slipped onto the driver's seat. I looked at him questioningly. "You ride in a _car_ to your _work_ when you're only walking distance from your house?" He blinked and a smirk made its way to his fine lips.

_Dammit! Stop smirking coz you're making me go nuts!_

"Knowing the fact that there is a chance you would like to see Doggy, I brought the car so that I wouldn't have to carry your fainted body towards your house. You're not exactly light as a feather and it doesn't do well for my image to be seen with a fainted you in my arms." He remarked arrogantly, making my cheeks turn into a bright red.

"I did not faint purposely! If I did, I wouldn't have fainted on you!" I said in an almost shrieking voice. He only smirked. I knew he was thinking I did not mean what I said…not that I was sure myself. Pfft… as if.

I rolled my eyes at him and glared at the roof of the car. "I really didn't!" I pressed in a low voice. He didn't reply and ignored what I said completely. Not that I was complaining or anything.

After a while, I felt that the silence was getting rather uncomfortable. Who ever said peace was a streak of silence cough, cough is completely and utterly wrong. There is nothing worse than eerie silence.

"I wonder why Inu Yasha didn't go to school again, considering he almost made me fall on my back painfully this morning, I think he's perfectly fine." I said to no one in particular, not really waiting for his reply as I started flipping a signature pen.

Geez, does he have to be really rich!

With one swipe of his long, muscular arm concealed by his long sleeve, he caught his pen back and put it inside the car drawer and swiftly maneuvered. I instantly caught a whiff of his perfume.

"Probably suffering from heartbreak," I raised an eyebrow. I was getting jealous for letting him be the only one to raise his perfect brow.

"Heartbreak?" I scoffed at the concept. "Are we talking about the same person?"

I do not know a person Inu Yasha was in love with. I will not go further to think or suspect of Kikyou. I mean, how he treats her, she's not that bad, but he treats her like trash. But perhaps he does coz he hasn't broken up with her yet.

"I am talking about Inu Yasha, are you straying with other thoughts? Probably yourself?" He sarcastically asked.

I rolled my eyes at him, but my expression changed as I became serious.

**OxOxOxOxO**

**SESSHOUMARU**

"Has he mentioned anything to you?" She asked me so seriously that I looked at her from the corner of my eyes.

I stopped the car as we hit the red light and I eyed her skeptically.

"Pardon me; you must have mistaken me for someone who gives a damn on his love life." _I don't even have one myself. _I mentally kicked myself for the thought.

She glared at me in manner of plotting my death or slamming a really large book on my head. Try and try as you might, dear Kagome, you can't hit me.

I mentally laughed at this. Kagome looked... well... childish to say the least. Very much so that she distinctly reminded me of Rin.

I remember having to tuck her to bed, letting her cuddle close... Perhaps, I could _cuddle _Kagome.

Fooled you, didn't I? That was not what I was thinking.

She pouted her lips as she looked out the window, her fingers fidgeting. Oh, was she trying to make a comeback? Too late.

"Jerk. No wonder you're suffering from total sense of humor failure." _Humor failure? Was there ever such a symptom? _Idiot... little... _cute...thing... _

She crossed her arms over her chest and huffed, her eyes widening and looking at me quickly as if she wanted to pour out to me several questions all at once.

I did not say anything, though tempted to say, 'weren't you on the verge of sulking the whole ride to my house?'

"You know, I'm utterly confused with so many things about you and Inu Yasha... I mean," she breathed and continued. "The first time, he told me you surprised him on his doorstep and told him you were his half-brother. Then, he tells me you're supposed to be very far away from home and only returned now. Then, he tells me you've studied under Toyama-san which I'm sure has been teaching at High School for thirty years. What's the truth?"

I sat back and blinked, letting her peer at my face. "I did live with my mother, under some rules my father used to contain me. I would go to the same school as his bastard son, in his hopes that we would be 'closer' to each other. When I tried to live in Chimiesno Manor, he soon found out that 'closeness' was not what Inu Yasha and I needed, but distance. He withdrew his plan to continue my high school there, but my mother had thought it would make his 'lover' uncomfortable if I were close, so I finished. I was present when his mother died." My voice was rather stiff when it came to the mention of the bitch.

I looked at her to see an amused, incredulity painted on her face. "That must be the longest thing you've ever said to me since you came here. I'm really impressed. You broke your 'man of few words' thingy." I raised an eyebrow at her used of the word, 'thingy.' Sometimes I think that Higurashi is a pendulum, swinging between stupidity and intelligence. More on stupidity, I decided.

"Kindly do not refer to me as a 'thingy,'" I said.

She shrugged, pulling the top protector to look at herself in the mirror, rolling her eyes as she closed it again. "So how did you end up living with Inu?" she asked, turning her attention back to me. I swerved effortlessly to the right side.

It was not a topic that comfortable for me to talk about. But I knew that she wouldn't stop prodding until she got her answer. I kept my eyes on the road as I answered stiffly, "My mother died before I went to college. There was no one to pay for my apartment so my father asked me to move in."

That seemed to shut her up. Although it was not a reason I wanted to silence her with, it did what I've been trying both no and not to do. I glanced at her to see she had a guilty expression on her face. She looked pained, as if she was trying to find the right words as a means to confront me. She shouldn't bother. Nothing was going to change. My mother would still be six feet under the ground and I would still have been left alone.

Her efforts would be in vain. I missed her shifting as I looked on in front of me, concentrating on the road. It felt unfamiliar to me not be so bothered about speaking bluntly of my mother's death. It was something that I feel unfit for conversation for myself and anyone else, especially with my father and Inu Yasha.

"Well you're lucky you got to meet her and spend time with her," was what she said, after a time. Her words surprised me. It was not what I had expected from her. Just as I was thinking this was her only answer, she elaborated, must like her character to do so. "Most children who lose their parents don't even know what they look like. They don't get to touch them, don't get to feel them, and don't get to hear them…" she pulled up her knees and rested her head on them. Looking out the window, she seemed somewhat like a lost child who was aware she was never going to find her way back. "I was young when my father died. Not young enough not to have known how he looked… but he was always away," she had a faraway look in her slightly narrowed eyes, making me believe she was trying to remember.

"I wasn't present when he died… I was outside, glued to the door, not knowing really what was happening. What's sad was I never got to know him. And I'll never know what he was really like and how he reacted to things because I didn't have the chance," there was a traffic jam and I found myself stuck there on the road with a student of mine who was looking straight into my eyes, a bitter smile gracing her lips. "It feels weird, you know? Knowing he was responsible for you being here right now and not knowing a single thing about him."

I stayed silent, unable to say anything about what she had just revealed. She seemed to be a normal high school student just like everyone else. Perhaps she was slightly more studious but nonetheless ordinary. I had not an inkling about what she's been through or is presently going through. Despite the similarity of losing a parent, it was in different circumstances and I started to wonder if she felt as strongly as I did about the loss we had gone through.

"Maki, I forgot I was wearing a skirt!" she squealed, blushing to the roots of her hair. She glared at me, all traces of her earlier melancholy gone. "You didn't even warn me! You might've been looking up my skirt!"

I huffed, disgusted. "If you were prettier I would have been tempted. As it is, Higurashi, you're not at par with my standards," this seemed to rile her up even more, I found it hard to stop. "Also, never again lay your feet on my car seats. You will find yourself washing and scrubbing my car top to bottom, inside to outside if you ever deign to do it again."

Her jaw seemed to have dropped on the floor as she looked at me. She made an indescribable sound, inspiring me to smirk.

"Don't gawk at my attractiveness too much, Higurashi. You're embarrassing yourself." I braced myself for any swear words she might fling my way, much like Inu Yasha's sailor mouth does. But I haven't really heard her curse, so prepared myself from loud female shrieks of indignation. Bu she surprised me again with her retort.

"Why do you insist upon calling me Higurashi? I mean, I do have a name and I call you Sesshoumaru when we're at your house! I mean, for all I know you might be calling my brother or my grandfather or my mother!" I arched a brow. This really wasn't my expected reply. It was as if she had stopped at the use of her surname and had ceased hearing me.

"Look around, _Kagome_. Do you see other Higurashi's? I don't even know you had a grandfather before you mentioned him," my voice was cold.

She was sulking again. I hid a smirk.

Let her sulk.

"Besides, I never demanded-nor permitted you to call me Sesshoumaru." She froze and flushed. I knew she knew I had a point as I turned the wheel when we reached the parking lot at the back of Chimiesno Manor and I let her walk towards the house quickly.

"Thanks for the ride," she muttered grudgingly, looking not the least bit grateful at all as she opened her own door and banged the door closed, making me scowl.

Note to self: if I ever let her ride my car again, I would be the one doing the liberty of opening her door as to avoid having to disturb my schedule with repairs.

She had opened the door and quite easily made her way to the back of the house where she was supposedly sure where my brother was situated.

Jack pot. There he was, his feet soaked on the swimming pool stairs. He had his back bended and his arms resting at his lap.

Sunshine left the house years ago.

"She left me. She gave up..." He said in a lifeless manner and Kagome nodded her head in understanding as she continued to comfort him, pulling him in an embrace where his head was near her chest.

His arms were around her waist, encircling it loosely.

"You only realized you love her last minute?" he closed his eyes and nodded, his grip tightening.

This was what I regarded as 'barfing material'. This was showing weakness. This was overall too mushy and over pouring with sympathy and swirling emotions.

In short, I thought of it as pathetic.

I turned to walk away. Maybe get myself something to drink or eat. Maybe play games in my cell phone or log on to my messenger. Anything to distract me from having pity for mutt-boy and jealousy for the reason that there was this girl, who was charming, nice and kind comforting him even knowing why he was sad.

I don't really think she was in any way jealous, I never thought a person would be in love with my brother before I met Kikyou. That was why we were walking together to class.

_**FLASHBACK**_

Kikyou had gone to my office, sat down, taking me slightly aback. She smiled bitterly and put her files on my desks; her report cards for me to sign and a few notes for me, telling me why she would fit perfectly in a school I had forgotten the name.

I looked at her blankly before I signed anything. "What is the reason behind this, Kakeshi?" I asked in a statement tone. She smiled bitterly again and fidgeted with a bracelet on her wrist.

"I love your brother," was her reply. She did not need to further explain for I understood completely.

The mutt was too foolish to love her back and had gone to loving Higurashi, completely ignoring this equally beautiful woman.

She did resemble Kagome a lot so I do understand that Inu Yasha had only eyes for a complete replica of Higurashi.

I nodded my hand in understanding and started to sign the papers and writing a note for her new school.

She walked with me to class, reasoning that she was afraid to enter alone and face my half-brother in her state. She was not yet ready, she said.

I did not mock nor question her further and quietly complied to her request. It was a simple request, one I could grant without looking back and feeling annoyed afterwards.

We were quiet as no words escaped our mouths. There was absolutely nothing to say furthermore. As we entered, she quickly found a seat near the front and forced a smile on her lips.

I knew it was hard for her. Hard for her to act and seem as if nothing was happening; as if she wasn't being tortured neither inside nor her heart, hopes and dreams were shattering.

I felt complete pity for her.

An emotion I believed I had completely shunned long ago. After all, pity makes a person weak and I, Sesshoumaru, am not weak.

I was never weak.

_**END OF FLASHBACK**_

**OxOxOxOxO**

**KAGOME**

I felt so sorry for my best friend. Kikyou wasn't that bitchy before, when she still believed the truth that I was only hanging around Inu Yasha for the reason that he was my best friend.

Until she found out I was an exceptionally close friend, she began to um… suspect something. Then she became so dangerously known in school. She was not respected; but feared. No one could ever respect a woman who looks snotty and then begins to flirt and shriek at her boy friend. But maybe it was her way to catch Inu Yasha's full attention that she wished would never waver from her.

I don't really know for I never had a serious relationship before.

I tried to comfort Inu until I could, but I knew what he has to do. Nevertheless, it was his decision to make. So I asked him gently, "So... what are you planning to do? Let her go and let your feelings fade only to be renewed once again if you ever meet her, pain yourself for losing her, or go after her and be happy for once?" It was an easy answer considering I had dropped so many guilt bombs. He must be stupid if he doesn't get it.

He sighed, shaking his head and covering it with his hands. "I really don't know. If I did, I would have run to her to tell her I love her." Ack, what an idiot. He already said the answer. I rolled my eyes and patted his shoulder, looking into his eyes and smiling kindly.

"Inu, you've answered your own question... run after her and tell her you love her." I urged gently. His eyes shined and searched my eyes and nodded his head.

"Inu, every single person has a dream of their own; the only problem is that, they don't do anything to make them come true... Inu, you should do something... or else you'll lose Kikyou forever. Do you want that to happen?"

He shook his head and hesitantly stood up, only to sit back down again. I glared at him, annoyed.

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it's a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. Don't you remember that quote Toyama-san always used to say?" I asked him.

"Yeah... I think I'm gonna go after her... one way or another, I'll get her back." I smiled and pushed him a bit, making him almost stumble and grin boyishly as he packed his bag and put an envelope full of cash and two credit cards inside.

I waved at him and watch him go. He ran and after two minutes, I heard the rumble of his car engine and he was off. To where, I have no idea... but I hope he'll be happy.

"Quite a movie you made there." Someone commented not the least conversationally. I needn't turn to see that it was none other than Sesshoumaru. He walked towards me, sat down beside me and splashed me with water.

"Hey!" I protested and splashed him back. He only smirked, despite getting his button-down shirt wet. He flipped his hair, showing off his fine white-silver locks tinted with a blue shadow.

"So what did you say to him?" He asked nonchalantly and I shrugged, smiling at him genuinely and turn away, looking at the water.

"I told him to love her more." I murmured before I rested my head on his shoulder. I thought he would push my head away or shrug it off, but instead, he lay motionless, watching the water and letting the wind caress his face.

I closed my eyes and sighed, smiling again. It may not be the clearest answer; I guess it explained a whole lot. He never asked me to repeat so it's either he understood or he didn't want to admit he didn't catch it.

I'm guessing what he's thinking is something in between.

**OxOxOxOxO**

**MIROKU**

Quick! Quicker!

I bolted out of the classroom as soon as the bell rang. 'Sango,' I thought to myself--but be waiting at Isshin by now. Damn that class!

I even don't understand my reason of ever taking it. But whatever it is, must be really stupid for there are only a few charming girls.

Oh yeah, because Sango was holding someone else's schedule when I've mistaken it for hers as I checked it. I thought if I took it, we could be classmates and you know..._ bond._

Nice move old chap.

Anyway, at last, I made it! I opened the door and bumped into someone in the process, making us slam into each other so hard we fell down... She was on her back and I found myself on top of her,

I closed my eyes as I felt my teeth almost crack as it moved in the impact of the blow. When I opened my eyes, I was face-to-face with a shocked Sango. It would have been romantic... but our teeth clashed and it was not the tingling realization of love, but a tingling realization that whatever happens, I must set a dental appointment after this talk.

I quickly moved away from her, rushing into the bathroom. I heard her do the same and after I checked that three of my teeth were swaying and hurt when I hurt when I closed my mouth, I seemed fine. Well, at least physically. My pride now has an incurable gash in the middle.

When I opened the door to get out, Sango was still fumbling with the Female Bathroom door and I tried to explain painful as it was. "Listen, Sango... I'm sorry I bumped into you and probably broke your teeth," I cringed at that.

She faced me and I found out that her face was red as a tomato. She was rubbing her cheek with a hand and she nodded at me. "I'm okay... except for a few unsteady teeth, I'm okay." She tried to give me a smile, but her face contorted to a look of pain.

I felt like burying myself alive. Very, very deep into the ground.

**OxOxOxOxO**

**KAGOME**

"Ne, Sesshoumaru," I started, raising my head from its position on his shoulder to look at him. He faced me, but did not say anything. "Do you think what I did or what I said was... right? Or at least helpful?"

He looked at me for a while, studying my eyes then directing his gaze again to the water. "Did he leave you here to find Kikyou?" I nodded my head, seeing nothing to its importance. "Then it was helpful. For it motivated him to move his ass and make something of himself--at least get his girl."

I smiled, putting my head again on his shoulder. "Thanks," my face burned and I raise my head quickly. "You don't mind do you?" He didn't look at me, but shook his head as a reply. I sighed and was about to put my head back again when someone called out to us.

Uhm... not exactly us... I meant, '_him'._

"Hey Sesshou," said a woman's voice softly.

We both turned and stood up quickly, making a distance for both of us. I was blushing to the roots of my hair, looking down, only raising my head to look at the speaker and was surprised to see the female version of Sesshoumaru!

I covered my mouth to keep then from seeing me gape. I looked at both of them and see Sesshoumaru's lips quirk into a slight smile. "Hey." He nodded silently and the girl fidgeted a bit, shifting her weights.

"Did I uh-disrupt something?" She asked confused and slightly embarrassed. I was embarrassed too!

"No!" I and Sesshoumaru said in unison, him in a simple tone and I in a shocked tone. I bowed my head again. The girl smiled and made her way to Sesshoumaru, enveloping him with her arms. He in turn put his hands on her waist. I felt something stir up in my guts... something tugging...horribly stirring I felt ashamed to say what I thought it was...

_Jealousy_...

As they parted, she smiled at me and walked towards me. "Hi," she greeted, offering her hand to me. "I'm Atashime. What's your name?" She asked me kindly. I took her and shook it, smiling slightly, my eyes wandering off to Sesshoumaru whom was looking at the back of Atashime's head and I quickly returned my gaze to her.

"Higurashi, Kagome. Pleased to meet you," I bowed my head a bit and raised them to see her chuckle. Was this girl mocking me!

She smiled at me benevolently. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, I just... I mean... it's been a long time since I last experienced someone bowing to me and I myself too..." She bowed to me, slightly lower than what I did and gracefully straightened herself.

"Oh." That was all I said as silence filled the room. I looked at Sesshoumaru who looked at me and I turned to smile at Atashime. "I should be going now... nice meeting you." I smiled and got my pack, walking away.

As I closed the door, I leaned and sighed, letting myself fall into a heap on the ground. "Stupid Sesshoumaru..." I muttered in a tired voice. "I hope you get karma for this!"

I stood up after a moment and walked away, determined to reach my house as fast as I could.

**OxOxOxOxO**

**AUTHOR'S POV**

Sango and Miroku has already ordered tea and Sango was fingering the handle of her mug, looking at Miroku periodically and finding him doing the exact same thing... _is that a good thing?_

She sighed and closed her eyes. It was now or never. "Miroku..." She started; biting her lips and seeing Miroku look up. "Ever since we were kids, I... I thought of you as a very nice person, even in your perverted ways, I think I saw what you really are... a lonely, depressed young man." Miroku frowned and Sango grinned, waving her hand.

"Kidding," she said before becoming serious and she got his hands and squeezed them. He returned the favor, not letting go of her hands. "I've wanted to say this for a long while now..." She bit her lower lip, asking Kami to give her strength. She opened her eyes. "I-" Miroku put a finger to her lips and smiled.

"I should be the one to tell you..." He walked out of his side and sat beside her, cupping her face. She blinked many times, hope glittering in her eyes. Miroku closed his eyes and kissed her...

_"I love you..." _

**OxOxOxOxO**

**IMPORTANT NOTE: **A scene in Sesshoumaru's Point of View, about the truth where Sesshoumaru lived. It really conflicted me how this story is going to happen and I realized unless I cleared the up in my mind it'd do nothing with this one. As of May 17, 2006

**M/N:** Ehh…sorry for the long time I haven't updated. I had a hard time constructing this chap considering it had seven other versions before I have decided that this is the most affection-obvious one because considering what peeps are saying-and I believe them, that my fic is going too slow.

If you wanna know the reason, kindly check my bio by clicking my name which is highlighted in blue above. :D

I hope you understand. Anyway, I did make this chap long-in my standards (its 30 pages). So please don't forget to review after you read! Also, thanks for all the reviews and the reviewers, thanks! Without all of you, I couldn't have reached the 100 reviews! It means so much to me! So enjoy and review!

Answer to reviews corner: To those who are anonymous, kindly leave your email coz I won't be putting a corner for the next chaps and email you my answer to questions and thanks for the suggestions and comments.

Sydney: yeah, am really sorry. The word wrap thing was a real mess-up.

**Cartoonyartist-** thanks, really. though might I ask, why are you jealous?

**taskinLUDE**- yeah, I agree. Even though I had the CD, I even downloaded it in my compi. I especially like 'Perfect' coz I can certainly relate.

**O2**-you just have to read on to know. thanks a lot!

**Ashley**- thanks for all those fantastic reviews! Without you, I couldn't have reached the 100 reviews!

**Dragon Rae**- read on and find out! thankies!

**Acknowledgement:**

To my wonderful beta reader, Profiler 120! J You did an awesome job with editing and really beta reading my fic considering it is 30 pages! J

Forget Me Not by Celyia-after reading it, I realize how alike it is with the Teacher concept thing. And then I realized: that's probably because I've read it a long time ago-I got my inspiration from this fic!


	10. Chapter 10

**So Utterly Confused**

_Massao-na-Mizu_

**Chapter 9 – November, Remember November**

(important notes/warning after the content)

_"And I'm haunted  
By the lives that I have loved  
And actions I have hated.  
And I, I'm haunted  
By the promises I made  
And others I have broken."  
- Poe, "Haunted"_

**Kagome**

November for me has always been all about my father and Rin. It never just started on the first day but well before that, as if it extended upon late October. My mother would become wistful most of the time while November 2 drew near, All Souls Day, because it was the time my family gathered to visit the grave of my father.

If I had been a more typical person, it would only be in movies and soap operas that I would have seen how men and women continue their lives without remarrying for they have never truly gotten over the fact their most beloved had left them.

It wasn't really the case of not accepting it and staying in the past, but still having the love in your heart, pure and undaunted by the seemingly extreme distance of you and your loved one.

My mother always found scenarios to quote something my father had said as I grew up. It was mostly random stuff, about trees and nature and sometimes about television, things like that. Grandpa would nod, closing his eyes in sincerity of his agreement with my mother.

It was mostly an amusing thing to witness, but as I grew up, I had understood it more.

I was never close with my father, with him being so busy with his work to support my family that he had no time with us. If not for his hard-earned money when he was still alive, we wouldn't be living as comfortably as we were without too much added pressure on my mother.

In that sense, I was thankful for him. My mother said I had inherited his eyes and I am thankful for that too, for my eyes made me unique as Sesshoumaru's eyes made him unique.

With that thought, I stopped myself; wondering why I thought of him, instead of my best friend, Inu Yasha whom I have always associated gold with. Perhaps it was because it is with Sesshoumaru that I always find myself with these days that it was inevitable not to think of him.

His eyes also reminded me of a little girl I used to know and still love with all my heart, Rin (even though they didn't have the same color of eyes) – a young one taken away from life before she had the chance to truly experience it. I always had a connection with her.

Perhaps it was because our parents always told the both of us how much we resembled each other except for our eyes. While mine were cerulean, hers were black.

I had taken care of her when she was younger and since she died, I've never missed a single first of November to visit her. Seminal-break rarely started on the first of November so I've always depended on my pure luck and determination to continue visiting Rin and my father for a long time. It was always a hassle to make it there, but I've been doing it for so long, life seems to fit in for me whenever November arrives.

I woke up and dressed intent to spend my day with Rin, but to visit a flower shop first to buy her flowers. Rin loved flowers, especially pink tulips and because they were expensive, I maid it a point to save my money for flowers for Rin and my father.

I bid goodbye to my grandpa, mother and my brother and closed the door behind me.

It seemed nothing for my legs to go down the hundred steps towards the road for they had gotten used to it. I've been living here as long as I could remember.

I smiled to myself as I remembered that the last time Miroku, Sango and Inu had visited, Miroku had complained of how tiresome their trudging was and a peek at Sango with beads of sweat on her forehead confirmed her quiet agreement. Inu had ignored them both, speaking in his rash way on how weak the two were.

Seemingly offended, Sango had trudged quicker than anyone towards my house.

That was before all of the awkwardness arrived with the start of our Senior Year. Before we seemed to be inseparable.

But now, Inu was going after Kikyou (not that I mind in a bad way, mind you) while Sango and Miroku seemed love-struck all of a sudden. I shouldn't have been surprised; they had it a long time coming.

But the loneliness that came with giving them more space and letting Inu chase after Kikyou seemed to envelope me. It was magnified by the fact that I have ignored Inu's brother, Sesshoumaru since the incident on their manor so I had no one to talk to and I couldn't bring myself to visit their home.

Not that I'm too bothered with not speaking to him, really.

He didn't seem to care at all, which was not unusual. It was just pretty uncomfortable to be checking papers beside him inside the teachers' lounge, no words being exchanged between us. I don't really know why I was so bothered by his actions that day but it was most probably for the wrong timing it had come with that had put its intensity.

I don't think I'll ever know, but heck, I'll get over it.

I passed thru that park, seeing that few children were there and a bunch of high school freshmen from another school were not at all secretive with their smoking habits. It was disturbing to see teenagers in their age already picking up such a bad vice. Kouga was nowhere to be seen, which was all right with me for I was not in the mood to converse.

The flower shop was right outside a small mall and I took my time to look at each flower stem critically looking at the flowers to see if there were any damages. I was actually the only one in the shop when the bell tinkled as customers went inside the shop.

I paid them no heed, concentrating on my flower picking but my concentration was broken when I heard a familiar female voice.

"Come on now, you don't want to have such a dark hallway at your home!" the female voice chided to whomever she was with.

"I care not for dark hallways. There are reasons behind the presence lights," a disinterested voice retorted, sounding even more familiar to my eyes.

I slowly turned to find the owners of the voices and sure enough, the silver-haired girl (whose name I cannot remember – not that I'm trying very hard to) who introduced herself to me before was looking through vases of different types of flowers while Sesshoumaru leaned on a wall, following her movement in a bored manner.

I sighed, all sense of urgency coming to me, calmness seeping away. I hurriedly picked the flowers I decided were not damaged and quickly brought it to the counter, a heavy feeling suddenly enveloping me.

It was as if… it was as if I was being observed.

"What are you looking at, Sesshou? Found a flower that caught your interest?" the girl asked. I drummed my fingers impatiently, my other hand reaching for my purse while I waited for the lady inside the counter to arrange and wraps the tulips I was in the process of buying.

I felt another pair of eyes on me and the girl commented teasingly to Sesshoumaru about 'finding flowers' which I didn't quite hear and I could feel pinpricks on my ears, my cheeks definitely burning. Footsteps echoed towards me and before I could do anything about it, there was a light tap on my shoulder.

I turned slowly, taking my hands away from the table counter I was unconsciously gripping hard on.

There she was, standing taller than myself, smiling at me in a friendly manner. I dared not look at Sesshoumaru.

"Hi, you're Kagome-san right?" I nodded, she smiled wider (how she did it, I have no idea, she must have frog blood on her veins - a thought I felt guilty of thinking). "You might not remember me, I'm Atashime."

Ah so that was her name. Right.

"Ah, Yes," I said, turning desperately to look again if the lady was finished with my bouquet and thankfully saw she was punching numbers into the cash register.

"Higurashi," Sesshoumaru stated as I turned back to look at Atashime. It did not really surprise me that after not speaking with him for a long while, it would be the first word he would utter to me. He was as passive as ever, gold eyes looking at me straightly from his 6 foot four vantage point. "What are you doing here?"

Somehow, his question irked me. Who was he to ask where I went and what I do?

"Buying flowers," I answered needlessly, gesturing to the flowers still held by the lady. I looked at it longingly, impatiently.

"For whom?" Atashime inquired. There must be something in their blood which made them feel they had the right to know other people's business, even Inu was sometimes like that.

Finally, the lady behind the counter told me the bill and I gladly paid it, taking the bouquet in my arms. I smiled at their direction. "A dear departed," I answered their question and walked out of the shop.

* * *

**Sesshoumaru**

I vaguely wondered why she looked so intent in ignoring not only I, but Atashime as well. My eyes never wavered from her as she made her exit from the flower shop.

The flowers were probably for her father, since she was speaking about him just the last time we have spoken. She seemed grateful that the conversation with us was over and there was a bounce in her step as she went her way. I was still looking at the last corner she turned before disappearing when Atashime put a hand on my shoulder.

"Well, too bad the flower you want just can't be bought ne, Sesshou?" Atashime whispered jokingly. I glared at her coldly before putting my hands inside the side pockets of my coat and exited the flower shop. "Hey! Wait for me!" she whined, annoyed.

I strode quickly inside the mall and prodded the elevator button indicating 'down'. She quieted while the elevator went down to the basement and we headed for my car. I turned on the engine; not bothering to open her door as I usually did, then fixed my hair to the side so that I did not sit on it.

"You sure are getting all fired up for Kagome-san," she said lightly, glancing at me with a smile. I glared at her once again. Did she not take hints?

"Next time you say something about your illusions of my attraction towards Higurashi, I shall leave you in a very faraway place from Chimiesno Manor and leave you there. I will not come for you," I told her, sounding sincere in my warning.

She looked pissed but nervous; crossing her arms like Kagome had done last time she was inside my car.

She dared not challenge my words, I had done the said warning before when we were fifteen and probably in her mind we were still childish enough to do such an act. Of course, I had no intentions of leaving her stranded anywhere she cannot get herself out from.

There was a traffic jam yet again and we were stuck on the middle of four malls, surrounding us. There was a flashing billboard of some girl dancing while singing. I looked away, not at all pleased.

Before I knew it, Atashime was opening her mouth again.

"You know, you don't have to take it out on me if you have frustrations with her," she chided, resembling a ten year-old rather than her eighteen years of age. "Kagome-san seems nice enough and she's very pretty," she informed me, as if I needed telling of her thoughts.

"Pretty is a word used to give the meaning that something – or someone, is at the verge of being beautiful, but far enough not to be. You're in fact insulting her while praising her at the same time."

Her mouthed opened and she seemed suddenly very outraged. "You're being very critical! Stop it you brat!" she said. I swerved towards a path I had become accustomed to and the gates were opening to welcome us inside. She quickly got out of the car, waling quickly to my side. I was about to get out of the car when she pushed the door closed. "Whatever you did, or whatever you want to do, you need to settle it! I won't have brats inside the house!"

I looked at her coldly. "Must I remind you it is my house you are refusing my entrance to? Also, you have no right to call me a brat," I hissed at her, all of a sudden tired of the temperamental females around me.

"I have very well the right to call you a brat when you are acting like one!" she said something in French which I didn't catch as we narrowed our eyes at each other. She was still holding onto the door. I clicked it close. I breathed in, gripping the steering wheel before I sighed.

I looked at her from my car window.

"Fine I shall resolve the matter with Higurashi although I am not quite sure what the matter with the impertinent girl is," I told her. The frown on her lips turned up and she was about to say something before I scowled. "When I return, I expect a banquet for dinner. A banquet," I said, and maneuvered out the still open gates and went out.

Whatever Higurashi's problem is, it would be resolved today. Once I find her, that is.

…...

It took a long time to find her. I had to visit her house before I knew where she could be found. Her mother had suggested I try a flower shop but I said I had lost her there.

"Yes, well then try the cemetery," Mrs. Higurashi said, a hand on her cheek as she thought of the only possible place her daughter might be. I raised an eyebrow.

The cemetery?

She might have seen my questioning look and smiled. "She goes there every November the first," she explained. I nodded my head and thank her for her help.

I was on the road towards the cemetery when I saw her, her head bowed and looking solemn as she walked towards her house. She was only a couple of blocks away, but it somehow disturbed me to see her walking alone.

"Higurashi," I called out, slowing my car and letting it move on reverse. It seemed to have little to no effect since she didn't turn towards me except for blinking. "Higurashi," I called once again. This time, she sighed and stopped walking to look at me. I stopped the car in front of her, but didn't get out.

"You have been to the cemetery?" I knew the answer but I felt that I should ask.

At the cemetery's mention, her head lowered a bit more than before and she shook her head sadly. She bit her lip, looking uncertain if she should tell me what the problem was.

She opened her mouth to speak. "I – I tripped going there, happy that you know, I was away from you." She glanced at be quickly and looking away. I remained passive. She'd been avoiding me. There was nothing new to that. "Well, I got what was coming to me and I tripped…" her eyes shined now and my eyes widened fractionally.

She was about to cry.

"Higurashi," I started to say, clicking the unlock button, ready to step out.

She sniffed. And pouted.

Her bottom lip started to quiver.

Before I knew it, I was out of my car, holding her head and patting her back awkwardly as she sobbed on my favored white button-down shirt, clutching onto it near her face like it were a big handkerchief.

Which it wasn't.

"It fell and – and, a car was passing by…" she whimpered, her shoulders shaking from time to time. "It wrecked the tulips. The idiot driver run it over!" she wailed. I winced at the loud sound, instinctively looking around to see if there were any spectators to the scene she was making. There were no passers-by and it relieved me somewhat.

I continued to pat her back, slightly getting the hang of it. This comforting thing… I never had to do it before. It was alien to me.

When I was younger and any classmate or mine would cry, I would simply look away. He or she would get over it. And they'd be smiling about from idiotic thing once again.

I frowned. Why was I so worried about Kago – Higurashi crying?

It never meant anything to me to see anyone not related to me cry. Here I was, letting her soak my shirt with her tears and possibly snot, her head buried in my chest while I ran my hand through her dark hair.

When I realized what I was doing, I took her by the shoulders and pushed her gently away. She was already calming down, barely sniffling as she looked at me through teary cerulean eyes.

"I'll buy you flowers," I blurted.

She blinked and cocked her head to the side – an expression of utter disbelief on her face – and questioned, "Uhm, could you please repeat -"

"I'll buy you flowers, Higurashi," I said, surprised at my graciousness but not taking my word back.

It was a bad habit of mine, one I shouldn't keep - not taking back my words.

She sniffed, and then gave me a small tentative smile. "Really?" she asked eagerly.

I nodded.

She squealed in delight and I faintly wondered what got into me to offer such a thing. She clutched on the collar of my shirt, pulling me a bit towards her causing my eyes to widen again. She had her eyes closed and she sighed. Her breath was warm on my face, for she was mere centimeters away from me.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" she said gleefully, eyes now open and looking up at me gratefully.

"Higurashi get off my collar," I growled. She made an 'eep' sound and even dared to cough then brushed my shirt with her hands. I growled again.

She raised an eyebrow. "I'm cleaning your shirt," she explained.

I huffed.

"It wouldn't be soiled in the first place if you haven't felt compelled to -"

"Never mind, let's just go okay?" she said cheerfully and went to the other side of the car

I followed her and opened the door, waiting for her to go inside.

She blinked then looked up at me and then looked away again, blushing. I raised an eyebrow.

"Are you going in Higurashi or not?" I asked coldly.

"Yes I am! It's just… you opened the door for me," she said lamely. I was about to question her, when I finally understood.

I was being gentlemanly and it makes her feel uncomfortable. It is my fault, for I had shown her mostly only callousness. I didn't know what to say so I settled for gesturing towards the seat. "Get inside, Higurashi."

She obeyed, surprisingly. She got inside quietly then I closed the door, went to my side and drove.

After a while, she was humming, looking outside the window as she did so. I decided to ignore her when she suddenly turned to me.

"Don't you listen to music when you drive?" she asked curiously. I sighed, knowing where this conversation was going to go.

"Unless you want to listen to classical music, Higurashi, no," I told her.

She scrutinized me for a minute before shrugging and reaching out for the player. "Better that than silence - unless of course you want to tell me the story of your life, Sesshoumaru," she teased.

"Hn," I replied.

We went into the same shop I had encountered her in a few hours back and she scurried towards the pink tulips, looking carefully at each one before picking. The saleslady was wrapping it while we waited. Kagome drummed her fingers on the counter table, humming FÜr Elise. The saleslady smiled at her and frowned at me.

"You shouldn't let your girlfriend pick the flowers you're supposed to give her, you're supposed to pick them yourself!" she told me. _What?_

Beside me, Kagome blushed. "Oh, uhm no – I-"

"Young men today!" the saleslady cried, shaking her head then fixed me with a dirty glare. "You think you can just pay for the flowers and she'll be happy!" the saleslady continued her tirade, while Kagome tried helplessly to stop her.

"No, you see, he isn't my-" she tried. I had enough.

"She's not my girlfriend," I informed her curtly, glaring at the saleslady coldly.

The saleslady didn't even have the decency to look embarrassed but just turned away, still scowling. When she was done, I handed her the exact amount and walked out of the shop, annoyed.

"Sesshoumaru," Kagome called, flowers firm in her grasp. She was holding as if it were a sleeping baby in her arms. "She didn't mean it, she's old and, and-"

"You don't have to explain Higurashi," I cut her off coolly. I opened her side of the door wordlessly. "Just get in the car."

She grumbled, before walking and sliding inside. She glared at me from inside.

"You always call me that," she said.

I walked towards my side and started the engine. I spared her a look before speaking.

"It's your name isn't it?" I sped into the main road.

"No, it's not. Well, it's my surname, but my name is Kagome," she snapped, her cerulean eyes expressing her irritation. "That's what I want you to call me," she said gently, eyes softening.

I sighed before speaking. "Fine, _Kagome_. I'll drive you to the cemetery."

She smiled then, and leaned on her seat.

"You're being awfully nice today, Sesshoumaru. I'm starting to have suspicions as to why you are behaving this way," she told me pointedly, grinning.

My eyes didn't waver from the road ahead of me. It would take more than fifteen minutes to get to the cemetery and it wouldn't do to make ourselves angry. But I couldn't resist. "I would be more cordial if you were also, _Kagome_."

She frowned.

"I _am_ always _nice_!" she protested huffily.

I shrugged. "I have never encountered a self-proclaimed _nice person_ asking the half-brother of his or her best friend if he were _gay_ or if he had any _romantic relationship_ with said best friend in my eighteen years of existence."

Her jaw dropped, cheeks flushing attractively. I stiffened at the thought, clearing my throat. **Attractive?** I could think of _Kagome_ in a lot of ways but I am sure that if I weren't preoccupied with driving, I would not have thought so irresponsibly.

_Kagome_ glared at me.

"That's unfair! How should I know who you were?" she complained indignantly. "You're bringing it up again weeks after the incident! How mean!" she huffed. "I thought you're going to be nice today, but then you always spoil yourself. I should've known."

Spoil myself? What did she mean?

It was fun to annoy her, that was all there is to it. I do not inherently offend all of the people I encounter. But it might perhaps be attributed to the fact that my first impression of her was not pleasant which why I like to annoy her as much as she annoys me.

I didn't respond to her accusations and so she brought it upon herself to make peace. She sighed before turning towards me.

"We're near the cemetery, and if you want to go with me, I just want to ask you please do not be so… insensitive." She said carefully, her eyes darting away from my face and back again.

Hn. "If you feel so strongly about it, _Kagome_ then I will not go further with you." As there were few vehicles on the road, I stopped the car on the side. Her eyes widened quickly.

"I didn't say that! It's just that the person we're going to visit is very special to me and I really want to pay my respect o her," she told me gently.

Her?

"I thought we are going to visit your father," I stated, trying not to show my confusion. She shook her head.

"I'll introduce her to you when we get there. But you have to promise," she fixed the flower so that she could use her left arm. She held out of hand, her pinky sticking up. "You have to promise to be nice."

_Pinky swear_, I noted idly.

I nodded. "Fine," I acquiesced, not letting go of the clutch.

She pulled my hand up and hooked her little finger on mine and pulled gently. I closed my own around hers. Her little finger looked even smaller entwined with mine. Kagome smiled fondly, her eyes lighting up as she did so. She looked at my hand then cocked her head to the side, looking puzzled.

"Your nails are long," she told me. I just looked at her face.

From up close, she didn't look so plain at all. Her face was free of make-up that seemed to cake the whole face of her classmates regularly and her skin looked smooth. Her lips weren't even glossed but they shone a bit nonetheless, rosy pink in color. Her nose was small and only slightly upturned – I was thinking of her again.

"-cut them," she might've said; if I were listening I would've known. I tried to focus on her eyes. She looked up from my hand and frowned. "Are you alright, Sesshoumaru?"

"Completely," I lied quickly, pulling my hand back and putting it back on the clutch then I started the engine once again, heading for the cemetery.

"Are you sure? For a while, you were looking at me but you didn't appear to see me at all," the way she said it made you think she was merely thinking aloud. Knowing Kagome even just briefly, it might have been the case. Her eyes lit up again, probably the light bulb in her head clicked on. "Oh, maybe you're like that guy, Samson – you know the guy who was very strong but if you cut his hair, he'll be weak – maybe you gain your strength or intelligence through your nails or something," she speculated, looking very convinced to her theory.

I raised an eyebrow, amused. I smirked at her. "Stop your absolute nonsense _Kagome_; it is wholly impossible and absolutely bizarre."

"It could happen," she insisted.

The cemetery came into view and Kagome was speaking again, only this time she wasn't speaking gibberish. She pointed me the way towards where whoever we were visiting rested.

Finally, we came into a somewhat garden surrounded by tall, willowy trees and different kinds of flowers blooming in clusters. The grass was kept short which meant this place was taken care of without relent. In the middle of the garden-like part of a cemetery, there was a marble coffin normally seen inside mausoleums with benches you can sit on its right side. There was a pink candle on top of it, unlit.

Kagome walked towards it, clutching on the flowers. I clicked on the alarm button and my car instantly locked but I stayed beside it, observing Kagome walk towards her deceased loved one.

She had a fond but sad smile on her lips and the same expression clearly written in her eyes. She sat on the bench and murmured something but I was too far to hear. She put the flowers down carefully in the middle; arranging it until she was satisfied then she lit the candle. For a while, she was in her own world and the only one inside was her and the deceased person.

I stood there with my hands on my pocket, looking at her like she was an actress in a movie I was watching and because of the picturesque sight, it looked more real. The wind blew and she turned her head from where it came and smiled. She murmured more words and grinned at the marble coffin.

It was somewhat bizarre to be speaking to a block of marble, no matter what was inside.

In fact, knowing there was _someone_ inside made it more peculiar.

Kagome finally turned to me and even afar, I could see her cerulean eyes looking at me perfectly. She gestured with her hand for me to come forward. I started to stride slowly. I didn't have to hurry. In this place, in this time, it seemed like everything paused for a while.

"Sesshoumaru, this is the person I would like you to meet," she said, her hand pointing to the marble coffin. There were words engraved and I started to read those in italics.

_For our beloved Rin who bloomed so beautifully but wilted so swiftly. Nevertheless, your beauty will be remembered for all eternity._

"This is the girl I'd like you to meet," she told me, her hand finding mine and squeezing it gently. I barely acknowledged the fact that she was touching me, my gaze fixated on the markings. "Sesshoumaru, this is Rin Ishikawa."

* * *

**Kagome**

Sesshoumaru remained silent.

I didn't find it at all peculiar that he did. Perhaps he was taking in what I said; he did think that we were going to visit my father.

_We_, I thought faintly. _Since when did I start to think of Sesshoumaru and me as _we

I started to explain. "Rin died a few years back. She was barely five and she contracted a disease that can be inherited in my father's line," I started to say. I tugged on Sesshoumaru's hand to signify that I wanted him to lower himself onto the bench before continuing. "She died with the same disease my father had. I used to take care of her and we all had our hopes up. The disease is curable, it is just that she was too young and my father was too old…" I trailed off, feeling it was a feeble explanation but I couldn't think of anything else to add.

"Will you have it?" he asked after a long while. I knew exactly what he was talking about and I shook my head.

"Not everyone has it and my mom had us checked up before and there is very little percentage that my brother and I would," I explained. Sesshoumaru seemed so quiet and his eyes weren't as cold as they normally were. His eyes looked like they were trying to search for the meaning of life and was failing. I frowned and noting I hadn't taken my hand away from his and he had yet to complain, I squeezed it lightly. "Are you alright?"

He suddenly spoke up then. "Kagome," he called, turning to me and fixing his golden eyes on me intensely. "I know her."

I blinked. _What was he talking about?_

"You know Rin?" I questioned. He simply nodded and looked back. "Then how come you're not familiar with this place?"

"I've never been here, but I knew Rin," he said.

_How could he have? Did Inu Yasha tell him about Rin?_

"How did you know Rin?" I asked, becoming very curious.

He looked away but I continued to look at him. He finally tugged his hand away and I fisted my hand because it felt so cold when the warmth of his hand was gone. There was a tug in my heart but I couldn't explain it.

"I am in a way related to her," Sesshoumaru told me.

I frowned. "How could that be? Inu Yasha never told me he was related to her."

"That's because Inu Yasha doesn't speak with our relatives and they in turn do not acknowledge his existence. When he's around, he's ignored. He's only noticed whenever our _father_ was present to defend him," he spoke the word 'father' as if it were foreign.

"So you're sort of related to me?" I asked, flabbergasted.

_Me? Related to Him? _No. Way.

He shook his head and smirked. As he did so, I thought that he was probably over his shock if he were doing that damnable smirk of his.

"Like the idea, Kagome?" he asked me pompously.

I stuck my tongue out and looked at him through annoyed, narrowed eyes. "Just the thought of it distresses me," I said to him. His smirk widened, golden eyes looking so bright that it hurt my own eyes but I couldn't look away.

"Oh, it distresses you, does it? May I ask why?"

"It's revolting, that's all there is to it," I said absently, waving my hand in dismissal, looking away. His intense gaze made me blush and I didn't trust myself to look up.

"Yes, it must be. It would ruin your chances with me," he agreed monotonously.

I turned my head sharply towards him to find him tracing the marble with his fingertips, a smirk still lingering on his thin slightly pink lips.

"What?" I almost shrieked.

He didn't respond. I got annoyed so I stood up and bent slightly to poke him on the chest.

"Hey!" I poked him. "You promised to behave!" I poked him again.

He looked up at me and blinked, long eyelashes fluttering. It is so unfair how gorgeous it looked on him – no, wait! Arrgh!

The burning sensation that I feel whenever I blushed returned again as he smirked like he knew something I didn't.

"I never said I would _behave_, _Kagome_. I said I would be _nice_," he informed me pointedly. He looked very calm and it irritated me more.

"What? You -" I started to say but he tugged on my hands and made me sit on the opposite bench.

"She's related to Atashime on her mother side, if I remember correctly. So technically, we aren't really cousins at all," he explained. "But I would like to think of her as such."

"Huh? Why?" I asked, very confused. He was mentioning Atashime again.

"Rin was special. You should know," he told me, glancing at me briefly. I felt something inside my chest whenever he looked at me and I tried hard to ignore it. _What is wrong with me?_

Perhaps it was the atmosphere of the place. But really, could a **cemetery** be expected to make you feel all dizzy and make your head pound without the feeling of horror?

"Yes, but how was she special to you?" I asked softly, knowing it was the only way I would get him to talk since he didn't respond to demands. Sesshoumaru is under the illusion only he could demand things on other people.

"Rin has always been a very cheerful girl," he started. His lips were parted a bit like he wanted to say more but he didn't knew exactly what to say and how to say it. "She was very kind. She reminded me of my mother."

I felt for him. I really did. Sesshoumaru must have been a lonely child, since he was apart from his father and because of the way he disdained Inu Yasha's mother, he might have grown up with the ideas that he wasn't all that loved and other things as well.

Nothing could be blamed on Inu Yasha, he was a product of what his parents had done and he acknowledges that but knows he can't do anything about it. Maybe that's why he hated Sesshoumaru. He hated Sesshoumaru for treating him so unfairly and Sesshoumaru probably hated him for having what was meant for him.

"Sesshoumaru," I said, feeling torn up inside. I wanted to make him feel better but I didn't know how. So I racked my head for something to ask him or tell him, something I missed to take his mind of his problems even if it were momentary. So I blurted out the first thought that came into my mind. "Uhm, you said she was related to Atashime," just with her name, my temper flared. "Are you that involved with Atashime that you love everyone she does?" I asked through gritted teeth, hoping my voice sounded gentle nonetheless.

For the first time since the day we met, Sesshoumaru looked taken aback.

"What did you just ask me?" he asked in a soft, unfeeling voice. His eyes were back in focus.

I didn't want to, I really didn't want to speak again, but I knew he was going to force it out of me no matter what so it was better to speak with my own accord.

"You really love her?"

His jaw tightened and from the way he had stiffened, I knew something I said pissed him off again.

"Higurashi," so we were back to surnames again, I thought faintly as he hissed, moving towards me. I backed away subconsciously until I was at the edge of the bench, my hands gripping the side tightly. "That is the second time you've accused me of incest. And frankly, it's disgusting."

I blinked, startled and lost my grip. "I – what – ah!"

I was very sure I was going to fall but when I opened my eyes (I didn't even realize I had closed it) Sesshoumaru had me by my forearms, his lips millimeters away from my nose and I wanted to kick myself for the clumsiness.

If only he weren't six feet and four inches tall, I am certain my nose wouldn't be the appendage I had leveled with his mouth.

He didn't seem to notice that my gaze was directed on his lips since I still felt his gaze and I was sure they were staring at my half-lidded eyes.

"You have the tendency to fall whenever I am around, _Kagome_," he whispered. I couldn't place the emotion in his voice since I didn't have a proper control with my brain at the moment.

Uhm.

"Sorry?" I offered weakly, finally raising my eyes to his.

I was startled to see his smoldering gaze and felt my heart leap. It's cliché, I know but it was exactly how I felt like.

"Sorry isn't just going to work this time, _Kagome_," he said my name in a very peculiar way and I _liked it_.

I probably don't really have any control right now on my brain since I was hoping he'd suggest a very nice way to pay him back.

Something that wouldn't really involve any talking.

Or clear thinking for that matter.

Clearly, the real Sesshoumaru was abducted by aliens - or someone is controlling his mind - or maybe this person whose face is millimeters from my face is Tom Cruise disguised as Sesshoumaru because he had another mission to fulfill. It was just a sidetrack to kiss me or something.

Or maybe, I thought even more dazed. Ashton Kutcher is hiding somewhere and he'd shout I got punk'd and Sesshoumaru would be laughing his head off because of me.

Then, as maybe my last coherent thought, I remembered.

**This is Japan. There is no possible way any of the people I mentioned would travel continents away just to get a laugh off me. **

Because really, more exciting stuff is seen on anime than those.

"What would work then," I said, my voice raspy and I tried to breathe hard but _couldn't_. "Sesshoumaru?"

I saw his lips smirk and he murmured something I didn't quite catch because it was too soft and the beating of my heart was too loud.

Before I knew it, I couldn't see his lips at all and I could only _feel it_. Pressed _on mine_.

I moaned before I _kissed him back_, my arms gently moving from his arms to circling his neck. His left arm cupped my neck and tilted my head this way and that while his other one was at the small of my back.

I was going to say more. Really.

It's just that I didn't feel like thinking after that.

(End of Chapter)

* * *

**M/N: **short, I know. But there was kissing! So, yeah! How is everyone? Sorry it took me so long. I had a lot of drafts and trust me; this was the best draft (draft number 28, if I counted all that was saved in my computer for the last three years).

**Important Note: **I advise everyone to please reread the chapters again to understand this one. I had to revise some parts to get this done. I was shrinking away from that for a long time because I didn't want to wreck what I had done before. But then, I finally did it. **I changed a scene in chapter 8 **so please, please read it! I left a note to point you where it is at the bottom of the chapter so please check it out!

I hope you review and please, please don't flame! I love constructive criticism, honestly. I'd love to hear from you all so I encourage you to click on that button right there and review!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Tom Cruise, and also You Got Punk'd and Ashton Kutcher.


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